Thursday, June 28, 2012

In Vitro Fertilisation (IVF)


IVF. Used to be such a taboo topic to talk about. Although a lot out there are rather open about it these days, some are still not willing to share that part of their struggle.

Giuliana & Bill Rancic openly shared their journey & heartbreaks with us, especially with regards to them trying for a baby. Something so genuine & so honest, make it so pure that everyone of us at home watching them, secretly did a silent prayer to God to bless them somehow with a bundle of joy. They deserve it.

For them, they are  public figure and they chose to share with us their struggles, their lives, their heartbreaks with us. To many others, how they get their baby is completely none of anyone's business.

There are some celebrities too who wouldn't want to share this little secret with the world. Why so? Maybe because women are in general judgemental to others & especially to themselves. Accepting the fact that one is not able to conceive a baby naturally seems to be such a big failure in a woman's dictionary.

I can say this because since I was 15, I was told that I would not be able to conceive a baby. I have been growing up VERY medically dependent to a point that the doctor has suggested that my womb & uterus was inhospitable towards any growth of a foetus.

Thank god I wasn't promiscuous or using that as an advantage & go on a "slut" rampage! :) Maybe it wouldn't have happened with just any men but I'd be damn if I had gotten pregnant as a teenager!

I started being active rather late in my life. I was a little ...no, I am still accentric. I always try to live by my nickname for some strange reason. My nick is THE ONE & ONLY.

Growing up in a boarding school in NEW YORK, while kids were starting really young with drugs, sex & cigarettes, I was busy trying to be different.

On average, my schoolmates lose their virginity at the age of 14. And they were proud of it. While they were into makeup, I was into grunge. I was a virgin & I was proud of it.

This is funny about the school in NEW YORK. If there are bullies out there and they said some stuff and you somehow let them see that their words affect you, they'll continue to be in your case throughout your whole school years there.

When I first joined that school (I shall not name the school), I had an Australian accent. You couldn't have imagine the jokes that they tried on me. "Hey missy, you wanna go down UNDER?"

Me on the other hand, is a big feminist. One guy said that on my first day of school, I went straight to him, so close that our nose touched, staring dead serious into his eyes.... "I want to hear you say that one more time & I'll show you what's NOT UNDER here!"

I nudged towards his zipper. Something about the way I said it scared him. I saw him perspire while the rest of his gang were watching us. I turned to each and every one of the gang, giving them the coldest laser stare, showing them who is the boss from now on & these boys (They were the most popular in school) had never attempted to ever try to say anything about me.

That was how I started in school. And since then, nobody dared to even spread a rumour about me.

While the whole school was busy losing their virginity, I wasn't keeping my virginity a secret. I wasn't announcing it either but I wasn't shy to admit that I was if it was in the conversation. I know it was tempting for them to start a lesbian rumour but no one ever dared, because then they would have to deal with me.

I have to say I was lucky. So, me being anal about being different, somehow worked for the better of me. Just to be DIFFERENT, I ended up being a virgin with the best grades, never touched a cigarettes or drugs EVER! Now I have to say - that's rare even for today!

Also, not having parents growing up, I know I have no one to clean up my own mess (if I messed up my life that is). So I was adamant to do my best academically so that I will be successful in life & not be so hopeless in this world.

Would my kids be that strong? I doubt it. I have to say that it takes a lot of guts.

I was also not very interested in men. Maybe because I was afraid that if I do have a relationship, I would have stand down my guard & my feminist side got the better of me.

Once I graduated with degree & double honours, I was thrown into the working world. I got together with my childhood best friend with whom I've "tested the water" ;)

Throughout the whole time, I have never liked taking pills as contraception. We were just using condoms. Not that I was worried about being pregnant but more for sexually transmitted disease. We were both faithful but we were also super cautious. To date I have to say I have never seen any other men so cautious about everything in his life. Needless to say, I've never gotten pregnant.

Then I met my husband. I have warned him that I would not be able to conceive. I went as far as to talk to his mom, telling her not to be hopeful about any grandchildren from us. Both my husband and my mother in law didn't think that would be such an issue. So we got married.

Just over three months of being married, I suddenly had rashes. It started with my hand, then it was on my chest. I thought it was heat rash and didn't think much of it. But it became all bubbly and disgusting that I started to get very worried.

I have to meet clients very often and having long sleeves with turtle neck do make everyone wonder especially when it's 35 degrees out here! When the itch became really bad, I finally decided to see a doctor!

When the doctor checked, she asked if I had changed anything lately. Different moisturiser? Different food intake? Different milk? Anything at all. I haven't changed anything.

She wrote me a paper and told me to go to THOMSON MEDICAL CENTRE. It was a Saturday & clinics closes at 12:30 pm. It was 12:30 at that time but she said Caroline is a friend of hers and she would be waiting for me there. It was a favour which I truly appreciate.

We went there & having being told you could not conceive since you are 15, it's normal that one would protect herself by not being too exposed to anything baby related. I have no clue that THOMSON MEDICAL CENTRE is a place for pregnancy, delivery,  fertility, etc. Completely clueless. We did wonder if it was a baby boom since there were pregnant ladies everywhere. Still at that point, we didn't have it figured out that it's not a general hospital, it's a WOMAN's hospital.

Caroline told me to lie down. She asked a few questions. Honestly we were afraid she was going to tell us it was cancer or something. So ya, babies honestly were not in our minds.

She put some gel on my tummy, scanning through my tummy then a smile spread on her face. She looked at my husband, and then me & then she pointed out a little jellybean shaped thing.

"Is it tumour?!" I asked, somehow not noticing she was smiling.

"No," she laughed. "Congratulations. That's your little baby."

Complete silence for a while. I think I was waiting for her to say "Just kidding!"

But she didn't. I looked at my husband who looked completely confused too. Then I became angry all of a sudden. Imagine this - someone who loves kids and wished she could have her own was told all her life that she couldn't have any. And now a doctor she met for the very first time, smiled and said there you are! You are pregnant.

For some weird reason, I got pretty upset and questioned her if she thought that was a funny joke because it wasn't funny at all. And then I kept repeating "No, this is not true."

Seeing this, the doctor became confused (poor doctor…I’ve apologised) and thought I didn't want the baby. She apologised graciously. And then my husband quickly jumped in and explained my medical history. Then she looked at me like she wanted to give me a hug but decided to be professional. "This is a miracle baby."

My husband then smiled and said "My wife was born triplets. You found only one in here?" And with that, the quiet clinic was filled with laughter and happiness!

Immediately after that ‘diagnosis’ , my world seemed to be bigger. I started noticing a lot of things. I am allowing myself to indulge in cute babies. I love them but I was afraid I would yearn for them, so usually I kept a distance. Not anymore. That barrier has been broken. I wanted to tell the whole world but at the same time I know I should be in touch with my own doctor - the one who told me I would not be able to conceive.

I have to explain that this doctor of mine is a realist. Sometimes too much of a realist that emotion doesn’t come into play. When I told him I was pregnant, his reaction was somewhat disappointing. I thought he would be like “Wow!! It’s a miracle!!”

But no, he just read through the report from Caroline and he looked up, casually said congratulations and warned me that I should be realistic about my situation. He said that there has been no pregnancy for people with similar medical history as mine. So he would not want to get excited as yet since I could lose the baby any time. He said that I should not prepare anything as yet, not even a name because I could lose this baby tomorrow, in a few weeks, in a few months or as a stillborn.

Yes, it did sound like he’s a prick but mind you, he was just being realistic and didn’t want me to float so high that I might crash harder when I hit the ground. He was sort of “taking care” that I don’t go overboard with this new “situation”. Unfortunately, when he left, I became so down & was so sure that this baby will not survive.

Why? Have you read my history? Everything bad has already happened to me? What is one more thing right??!!!  It seems that I have been tested time and again and I felt that this would be the ultimate test of all.  I cried into my husband’s arm but as usual he has it all figured it out. He held me tight & went “This is our year. Let’s not dwell on this until something REALLY happens. For now, we do not do anything or even think about it unless necessary. Focus on yourself.”

And that was exactly what we did. I wasn’t sure if me being determined to not think too much about it (or if it was a coincidence) led to this pregnancy going by without any pregnancy symptoms at all. We didn’t tell anyone about our exciting news so that no one can ask about it when we were not supposed to even talk about it. It was like a little (but BIG) secret between my husband and I.

When I went partying, I ordered virgin Pina Colada. No one knew there weren’t any alcohol in my drink.  I continued working hard. And at one point of time I was even working till 4 am for a month trying to rush for a dateline. And I was 9 months pregnant at that time. I wasn’t showing till at least the end of my 6th months.

Everyone thought I was gaining weight. We managed to keep it a secret till it was the 7th month. Some people knew but we didn’t announce it. I was also traveling a whole lot for our jobs!

Suddenly it was time to give birth. Caroline has nothing negative to say about the pregnancy at all. The whole 38 weeks, the baby has grown at a beautiful rate.  25th September 2009 – we went into the delivery room without having many things ready to welcome a new born.

During the delivery, it was an experience we had never bargained for. When our baby’s heart stopped during labour, I somehow had it in my head that that was “IT”. That was “THE MOMENT” my private doctor had warned me about. And that was when I would lose her. I closed my eyes & noted that situation. And somehow I must have ACCEPTED the fact that I could lose her. I opened my eyes and looked my husband who looked a little lost too.

Everything seemed to go in slow motion. The doctor was doing her best to resuscitate that tiny little heart inside my tummy. The nurses were scanning my tummy. There were about 5 people dealing and rushing with our situation. And then ….. “Beep…..Beep….beep” The monitor went again. Almost as sudden as when it stopped.

Everyone cheered. I was happy. Confused but happy. Very happy. Inside me I was a little angry since I was sad for no reason. We continued pushing. Caroline mentioned that we cannot let it happen one more time or we would really lose her. I have to push harder and get her out because the baby was tired. And her heartbeat was very weak. She said if her heartbeat stops again, they would have to cut me open and take the body out as it could be harmful for me if the blood from the umbilical cord runs back into my veins.

I went all out to get her out. But it didn’t happen. And then suddenly … her heartbeat stopped a second time. My eyes welled up. I knew what that means. Immediately, the nurses and the doctor scrubbed in and started to put on their surgery attires. I looked at my husband “Don’t let them cut me open.”

I was suddenly scared!  I know cutting me open means we were gonna see the “body” and it would all be confirmed. I didn’t want a confirmation.Let me stay at that status quo. I wanted time to stop. I was shaking so bad. In sadness. In anger. In loss. In Confusion. In defeat.

As they were preparing the surgery utensils, my husband (bless his soul) went to my tummy and started talking to your daughter. He said that he knew it wasn’t the end and that she could pull through this. He said that she should fight it through since her ‘special mummy’ has been there for her, fighting all odds to get her to this point. She should reciprocate that strength. I kid you not - Suddenly the monitor started beeping again!  I was like “What the hell??!!! This is a joke!!!” And the doctor went straight to my bottom again and told me to push immediately. I was like “huh? What?” Ok, I’m confused but let’s just do what she told me to do….

One, two and….. her head came out. Her eyes were wide open, looking around between my legs. I didn’t see all these. My husband told me about it. My husband came to me and said, “Her head is out … she’s beautiful.”

I did a few more push and just as sudden, she was placed on my chest. All covered in wax and all. All puffed up. Quite disgusting really. But she was my disgusting thing. :) My husband was videotaping the birth from the top. Not allowed down below. He was still taping my reaction and I had to turn to him and told him to switch it off.

How would she feel one day when she watches it & realise that I was numb when they put her on my chest. I didn’t react. I was feeling-less. I just looked at her, not even attempting to hold her. But will she understand then that a few minutes before our eyes met, her heartbeat stopped and I had lost her. That sense of acceptance was my way of dealing with it all. And I can’t even explain how it felt when you accepted and situation and suddenly the thing that you had just lost is blinking right in front of you!! I didn’t not react because I didn’t love her . I love her dearly, with all my heart.  I didn’t react because I love her too much & having lost her that last few minutes handicapped my emotions completely.

The nurses took her off me to weigh her, clean her and do a little test. My husband didn’t lose her in sight. He was with her making sure that she didn’t go anywhere.

Caroline came to me and said “it’s ok to open up to her again … she’s here now.”

And that made me realised that it’s all real now. She passed all the test and she is perfectly healthy. 

“What’s her name?” One nurse asked. I smiled & told them we haven’t got any. But I can tell them in one hour.

Once we were in our room, I was back on my lap top googling “MIRACLE” ….  There were a few names that came up. We chose one.

Her first name means MIRACLE. Her second name means THE BEST. She is simply the best miracle that has happened to me. Against all odds, even towards the end, she fought through and made it into this beautiful world. And I will do everything I can, and hopefully not smouldering her too  much, to make her life a very special one.

My husband did well in getting all the necessary things required for a new born. He has been wonderful in supporting this whole ordeal. I love him even more for what I saw he did for all of us.

He also know that to have our daughter is the greatest gift of all. So much so that he doesn’t want to be left out in being involved in bringing her up. He insisted to do the night shift. God bless him.

Have we ever considered IVF? Or adoption? Or surrogate mother? Yes we have. In fact, I had papers in my office which I was supposed to fill up that same week that I found out that I was pregnant. How ironic is that?

How lucky was I?  To get through the whole pregnancy without the slightest bit of symptoms… not even a craving! I’m still not sure if it was because I was avoiding thinking about it altogether. Or if it was all meant to be.

My private doctor came to congratulate me especially the fact that I was the first ever to have been pregnant & safely gave birth to a healthy beautiful baby. He also said that I should treasure my time with her since she would be the only baby I would ever conceive, since she is already a miracle!

Well, this is something to think about. I was predicted to have lived till I was 9 due to my illness. I am 36 years old today. I celebrate my birthday in a big way every year because for me it’s a big blessing to have another year. Then they said I would not be able to conceive…. My daughter is the best thing which has happened to me…and then guess what? Merely 6 months after my daughter was born, we found out that I was pregnant again.

Again, I didn’t have a clue. I was in Club Med Ixtapa, Mexico having a blast & a whole lot of champagne! I was celebrating life. We were so happy because we managed to travel 32 hours (door to door) to arrive to our destination with a 6 months old.

When I was late, we thought maybe it was due to the stress of arriving to our holiday destination. My sister who has been trying for 10 months for a second child was getting a little down that she still hadn’t conceived. When we told her that I was pregnant, we knew it would all be too confusing for her. “Wait a minute! You were not even be able to conceive & you conceive a second one??!! I don’t have health issues. Why haven’t I conceive?!”

Having said that, she was really happy for us. I gave birth to my second child on January 2011. My son is a healthy cuddly little thing. His name (was again goggled when he was born) means “the way to heaven”. He is indeed my way to heaven. He’s a happy boy who makes me laugh every day!

Yes I am really blessed. I still have a little fear at the back of my head wondering if this is too good to be true. My husband who is always the optimist, said that God is  just rewarding me for passing the insane tests he has passed down to me throughout my whole life (Read my history under the “ME GLORIOUS ME” tab). Maybe he is.

I’m going to embrace this new gifts. We had our life changing moments coming through one after another. It was overwhelming but I’m grateful.

I can completely relate to those who are not able to conceive. I know how it feels. Would I also consider IVF? If I have the money, yes I would.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Strange Pleasant Encounter


I've never been keen on Mondays. The term ‘Monday Blues’ must be created for a reason. If there is any day I choose to take time off work,  I would take Mondays.

Which I did yesterday. My best friend suggested going to IKEA because she needed some napkins from there. I thought 'Alright...since I have nothing planned. I'll come with you & we'll fetch my daughter at noon when her playgroup ends & take the kids to the indoor playground in Changi"

So after dropping off my daughter & my husband, my son, who is always in his best mood whenever I decided to take time off (thank god!), I went straight to IKEA. Gosh! The car park was almost full & it was just 10 am.

So we went in there & for some weird reason, I ended up with a trolley of things ... And I thought I was just there to accompany my friend

Anyway, I managed to somehow buy a mattress for my son & decided when I collected it at the customer service that it may be the wrong size after all. It was too late to do any exchange anyway. I was supposed to pick my daughter up!

So we went to pick my daughter up & straight to Changi. The "pleasure" of having three little kids with us, we literally went to baby care room 3 times because they needed changing. By the time we were ready to go to the indoor playground, my best friend got a call from her fellow Turkish friends & said she needed to leave soon.

So instead of going to the indoor playground, we just took the kids to the main playground which was free for everyone to play.

We probably spent like 30 min running around the kids and making sure they were alright. (Since there were big kids too)

Anyway, finally it was time to go. The children were tired and cranky by then. We managed to make our way to reach the lift. And a group of ladies held the door for us. We thanked them politely.

Then suddenly, the lady on my left said "You are very beautiful."

A little confused and somehow didn't believe anyone could be very upfront, I answered (stupid , I know) "You mean my children?"

The reason being my children have always been attracting people's attention. No one ever said anything about me. So that came as a big surprise for me.

This lady (probably in her late 40s or early 50s) was with her aunt (an even older lady) and her two daughters who are in their early twenties.

If it was a guy saying that to me, I would probably think he is a freak. But these ladies were decent looking, looks like they come from a proper-simply-polite family...you know like those nice people from the church who annoyingly have everything nice to say about the world.

Well, she said she had been watching us playing with our kids at the playground. I didn't think at that time but now that I was thinking about it I was wondering wow..... how amazing is it that you can be watched without even realising it the slightest bit!

For that split second I was hoping that maybe there was a cute hunk who had also spent time checking me out! Haha

She said she kept saying to her aunt that she wanted to speak to me but didn't ….  since I looked like I had my hands full with my two kids who seemed to enjoy running the opposite direction. :)

"I've been watching the way you handled the kids and the two of you (referring to my best friend) running around with the kids. I figured we would be a nuisance if we come and try to talk to you at that time. But now that I'm even closer, my gosh, you are beautiful. Where are you from? You must be mixed!"

She also said that she loves my best friend accent. She later said that the sight of both of us, 2 young looking mothers, beautiful & polite to other people was just refreshing.

"Most beautiful people are a snob" She added.

We talked a little bit and coincidently we were parking near to each other. These ladies helped us out with our kids and our stuff. It was a little overwhelming but maybe because it is not very usual that someone stumbled into your path and can be SO NICE! Rare , I have to say.

We exchanged numbers and she said again that fate has a way of putting us together. She is very keen to get to know us.

I told my husband about it. And he seemed very suspicious. He was like "You gave your number just like that? "

"She seems nice and she was with her aunt and two daughters"

"How would you know if they are even her aunt or daughters? She's probably a lesbian and can see the beauty that I see or they are a cult and they need a pretty head on their shrine. So be careful! Meet only in public places"

Sheeesh..... talking about being super paranoid! :) My best friend  and I talked about it very briefly. I said my husband was a little suspicious about her intentions.

And she said, " During the whole process, we didn't even realise it but it was flowing very smoothly and they were being nice.... it could be anything but honestly, she was there with her kids and aunt.... maybe it is JUST her being herself. NICE."

So it's still a mystery. We have no idea. She has my number and she will probably be in contact with me very soon. She seems sincere. I'll update you about it.

Meanwhile, let me gloat on the fact that she actually thought that I am VERY beautiful! ;) Oh come on! Just let me be! :)

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Mandurah, West Australia




This is my favourite house at Mandurah, West Australia.
 Recently, we went back to my husband's hometown in Mandurah, Australia. It's a beautiful getaway. Although I'm a city girl & love the hustle & bustle of Singapore, it's nice to be able to just rest & relax sometimes.

We live in Singapore. Our children playschools are in Singapore. So whenever we are in Mandurah, we would be living at my Mother-In Law's (MIL).


The gallery lined up on their entrance hallway.


I was at the front door & this is the first view when I entered.

This time however, we went back with another family. My best friend has a one year old (the same age as my son but is smitten by my 2 year old daughter instead).

Having the extra number of people means more space required. So we searched through the net for an appropriate place for our family. I couldn't just leave them there to stay on their own while we live with my MIL. It's just not nice. The whole point is to experience the trip together.

We found a nice big house in Mandurah. It's situated right in front of the water. I couldn't have express it better than the owner himself. Here's the link... http://www.stayz.com.au/102062

If you know me well, you would know how I am. I either love or hate a place. I love to share my experience, be it a good one or a bad one. If it's a bad one, I would like to warn people against it. If it's a good place, I would love to share it....

The Front of the house


We had shortlisted about 4 houses towards the end of our planning. Why this house finally? They were personalised with their approach. There was no agent handing the keys to us, there was no feel of a business transaction. What we felt since we made the phone call was a simple proud house owner who wants to share his beautiful home & the experience the house brought him.


Second floor - at the balcony


Check out the view!



There's a little jetty right in front & we always call out to those fishing asking if they caught something & if they wanna share! Haha



View looking to the right side of the balcony
 We have 3 babies in tow. So before the trip, we were (as all mothers were) concern about safety issues, cots, etc. We wrote a long email, also explaining that my best friend has OCD which means if the house is not clean, she will turn back & not stay there.

The owner patiently attended to our woes & worries. He then called us & told us that he has children too so there are already 2 cots in there, safety gates & if we wanted it, he could have all the decorations removed too. Well, I thought that was too easy to be true.... so anyway, we chose this house.

It was right in front of the water. When we arrived, the owner's mom came by with chocolate & wine. A little something from the owner to settle us in !I thought that was rather sweet. We were given a little tour through the house. And my best friend’s eyes were wide opened. Mind you she is used to a 6 star hotel so we didn't think she was going to even like this place.... but she said yes when she saw the pictures & at that moment she seemed like she loves it.


Ground floor - front porch



Big lawn. They plan to put a pool one day.
 
 



The children were happily looking around & testing the new ground. The owner's mom asked if she should remove anything for the sake of the children. We said it wont be necessary. One thing that impressed us was the decoration. It was decorated as if it was their own home. It didn't feel like a short term rent house at all. They trusted us with their home feel treasures. So to have them removed would only remove the joy of feeling like we are "coming home"


I never could snap my camera fast enough to catch the dolphins jumping but you can see them wimming in there. At least 8 of them that day.


See the tiny black dots .... those were the dolphins!

That's the word for it. It feels like we are going home. It feels nice & warm. Never mind the fact that it's summer! ;)

The view in front of the house was phenomenal! Complete view of the water & while "mommy" (can't help it, the owner's mother made us feel so welcomed!) was showing us around, as we stood at the balcony,7 dolphins decided to swim by. We stopped, completely awed by the beautiful serenity of this place.
As hours passes, we finally started to settle in. We realised that everything we need was there. Thats the advantage of having the owner staying here as well.(Yeah he said he comes home to that house whenever he is in Mandurah.) He knows what is necessary in this household.

We have rented some houses in Australia before. Some didn't even provide hand towels or toilet papers. But this place, you literally feel like you just need to pack your clothing & the children's stuff of course. Everything else was provided.

We love it. We stayed there for 10 days. "Mommy" called us on the 5th day asking if we were alright & if we need anything. No, we said. This place is perfect. There is a beautiful book which welcomes comments from anyone who stays there.

We looked through it and everyone has the same feel that I almost feel like what I was gonna say is not special enough. The owner conveys welcoming warmth & ease that we just know that we are taken care of. He has his mom helping him with handing over the keys. The “tour” by “mommy” …. She initiated herself apparently like a proud owner.

We had a wonderful 10 days there. We are looking at heading back "home" again soon. The search is over. We found what we want & we are sticking to it. :)

Thank you for letting us use your beautiful house.




The "Know-All" Mommies

Sometimes being a mother feels worse than an employee evaluation session! I mean honestly! 

Today I was out with my kids. I thought, ok... work has to wait, let's just have fun & take the kids to the indoor playground gym. (I'm not sure what you call it really)

Most kids came with their maids. Their parents are either shopping in the mall or at the playground cafe chatting with other mothers. Too many times, their kids misbehaved but the maids have no authority over these kids. It does make the experience less than pleasurable. Especially when my own kids are 2 & 1.

But that's not the topic of conversation today. As I was playing with my kids, a fellow mom who decided to join in her kids fun came & praised my children for being good kids. I saw her kids and the youngest is also around 1 I think. The older one is probably 3.

We started talking and eventually she decided that it was her preaching session. Till today, I have always tried to refrain myself from giving other mothers advise unless she wants my opinion on things. I always find it funny how people come to me, say my children are good and tell me what I can do better. And I have never met this woman before! Yup, a stranger!

This is quite common it seems. Mothers can't help it. They can't help feeling like other mothers need their wise advises over everything. There was once when a mother of one child was actually telling me what she does to get her kid talking. Mind you, her kid didn't talk any faster than any other children but she was pointing out to me the ways to get kids talking. Was my kids not talking? Or why did she think I needed that advise? :)  It's hilarious how they always think that them being a mother gives them the throne of know all. It doesn't matter that I have more children than them! Haha

One even came to me and said "Your kids are not using pacifier." I said no... I admitted that I did try to get them to use the pacifier but they seemed to hate them. She nodded knowingly and said " Mark my word. Your children are gonna suck their thumb instead and that’s gonna be even harder habit to kick."

I nodded thankfully as usual (when I come face to face to "know-all mothers") but till date, none of my children sucked their thumbs. So what does that tell ya? Maybe...just maybe....you may not know EVERYTHING after all?!

Mothers-get-togethers are the worse. I have never been to a mothers group ever in my life. I have a feeling that they do secretly judge each other & sometimes openly put you down without realising it. And once while I was having my coffee next to a table full of mothers, I heard their conversation going the expected drift.

They are very predictable. They all want to have a say. They all want to feel like they are a good mother and therefore they need to speak up an advise or two. That's alright. Nothing wrong with that.

But when mothers became very judgemental. "Oh? You put your 18 months old in a playgroup already???!!! My goodness. I can't bear to have strangers  put their hands on little Johnny. And I wanna spend his every waking hours with him. And will they change him immediately if he is not clean?"

Ok, cool it.... first of all, maybe you do need to have your kid away from yourself for that 3 hours so you can regain your sanity. Maybe it will help you see things clearer? Be honest, they do drive you crazy sometimes! So I’m sure wanting to spend his every waking hour with him is a bit over rated!

And it will do you good to have a bit of rest? And seriously... do you think I do not care about my son enough that I wouldn't care if they would change him or not? OF COURSE I'VE CHECKED about all that. Now ladies ... no one wanna be among a smelly baby. You think they would go "let's pretend we don't smell anything and go on with the day." I think they wouldn't want the risk of everything poo-spill everywhere! Relax will you??

You probably would be more relaxed if you had gotten your rest!? So chill .. putting your kid into a playgroup doesn’t mean you are “throwing” your kid into a place so that you can rest or because you are lazy or you don’t care enough… That’s rubbish!

You are actually putting him in a place where he could have fun with his peers and be more productive at the same time, extending his learning curve to a whole new level … and meanwhile you get to rest & keep your sanity in check. Honestly, the perception should be as such!

And some of these ladies have very strong opinions. While the rest would absorb this frightening scenario and go "oh my... I'm not gonna put my kids in playgroup in that case."

Please do some research before believing these blatantly convincing strong will women. First of all, you may be convinced that having your child hang around you is more productive. But studies have shown that only 5% of mothers are REALLY being very productive towards their children. Let them spread their wings for goodness sake.

It doesn’t do the children any good if the children depends ONLY on their mothers for comfort. They need to play with kids their age and learn how to socialise with kids their age. Team work, communicating, etc.

Moreover, most mothers either spent their time shopping, sipping coffee at the cafe or having hen's lunch. None of which would be productive for their toddlers. While the mothers chat, they convinced themselves that the first point of hanging around with kids their age are fulfilled but ladies, they are not learning anything from each other.

Meanwhile, the 3 hours that you DO take your kids to a playgroup allows the kids to learn something new every single day! And mothers, you still can go shopping and have your coffee or lunch. Let them be with professionals who know how to deal with toddlers and how to make them learn the fun way.

I have to say, I have never regretted putting my first daughter to playgroup since she was 18 months and I will do the same for my son too. It provides a little tiny break. So no, I’m not a bad mother just because I want my kids to learn something productive every day. I’m not a bad mother for letting them be more independent. It’s not wrong to actually like that 3 hour break in a day. In fact it makes me an even better mother because I have more energy after her sessions for me to teach her more things in life.

To date, I have been impressed by the things my daughter told me she learned in school. I love the fact that she is 2 and she know 1- 30 and she could read all 26 alphabets.

Yes I’m very proud of her. I’m impressed that she is learning very fast and the things that she comes back with are usually not the things she would have learned by hanging around mothers & their children. And for goodness sake it’s just 3 hours!

Some the things that I was “taught” was that you point at the things you are teaching your kids. I kid you not. This mother who was telling me was so sure that I didn’t know that before she told me. I usually do not like to burst their bubble so I would go “Really? Aaahhh…” But honestly mothers, have you ever tried teaching your son what a moon is without pointing at the moon? :)

There are a lot of stuff that are not intentional. Like one of the new mother to be, who is in the midst of buying car seat and was literally reading forums after forums just to buy one car seat. She saw my car seat and said “Yeah I’ve read this one. It is bulky and it has this and that …bla bla bla…” I can’t really remember what she said but she unintentionally implying that I didn’t make a good choice for my daughter. She said she was gonna buy another brand which all mothers claimed are the safest. Ok… good on you. I had my son a year later and I bought the same car seat for him. I am not easily deterred by easily influenced ladies and their claims. I’m a mother and like all mothers I want the best for my kids. Would I buy something not safe for my children? No. So no….I did my own research too and there is nothing wrong with our car seats.

When I was buying pram, it was overwhelming. I think it was easier to buy a car than a pram because you love your children too much that you wanna make sure you make the right choice. I finally bought something which no one else I know would buy. Singapore has brought in only 5 units and they never did again because Singaporean are just too afraid of that posh looking pram. I bought it anyway and have since never found any other pram which are just as comfortable for both the child in it and the parents pushing it. I bought one pram which resides permanently at my mother in law’s place for whenever we are in Australia and we have one that we bought for traveling . And I have to say that I do miss our pram at home for its convenience and comfort.

My bestfriend had a baby the same time I have my second. They were contemplating on many different prams. Trust me they can afford any pram they want. But she decided that she was gonna get the same pram I have. And she loves it! During a recent travel, the pram got spoilt (thus the reason why I have a “traveling” pram) and guess what? She bought the exact same brand again – ordered all the way form U.S!

We both have never been happier! So while other parents were telling us not to get these prams, we have never been satisfied and would not opt for anything else. We could advise them to get these prams but honestly, it’s really up to the individual and we don’t feel like jumping into the “Advising” wagon.

So while I am refraining myself from telling other mothers (who actually may know more than I do but was being polite and not bursting my bubble), I can’t help other mothers who simply can’t resist. I would smile and nod thankfully. But ladies…I may not be the best but I’m not that bad of a mom you know. :)