The Newtown Shooting of Sandy Hook Elementary School

My heart goes out to all the parents of the children in Sandy Hook Elementary School.

For those who suffered loses from this tragedy, I know nothing can replace the joy and love which has been taken away from you prematurely.

I can’t even imagine seeing my kids get hurt when falling off the chair. Yet alone, having anymore pain than that.

Since I became a mother, I empathised mothers who go through tragedies and my heart somehow bleeds for them too. I can’t really explain it.

I am in Singapore and the tragedy is in U.S & yet I felt like I wish I could do more to help those parents who lost their child. There is nothing which will make them feel better -  ever. Their lives have been altere - FOREVER ....  But I just want to help in any way I can.

Meanwhile, let’s not forget about those parents who brought home their frightened children who had been forced to go through such horrifying ordeal. This is not fair at any level! Now how many more young kids have to die before they f**king do something about the guns?!

Pardon my language but while America hailed the need for guns to protect themselves, it has been creating more tragedies in the last few years. I don't see any other people in developed countries need guns to protect themselves!!!

The theory is as such, if you have guns available to you to protect yourselves, there are bound to be someone out there who are sick in the head who might abuse this privilege.

However if you do not make it available to ANYONE, nobody can get hurt – at least not through another shooting. Mass killing has been on the rise that many fears that a “copycat” murder may be in plan already.

As we speak, we have kids or adults creating twitter account or blog pages hailing how great the killings are!!! That is just too sick to even be imagined.

A teacher’s son killed his mother on the face, left home(apparently geared with heavy arms) went to the school she taught, went to her class and started a shooting spree ON CHILDREN!!! This could be America’s worst mass school shooting!!

It’s 15^th December today. Only 10 days short of Christmas. I could imagine their parents have already anticipated their Xmas gifts under the Xmas tree and told them (probably everyday) that they have to wait till Xmas before they could open their gifts. Like any parents would.These kids probably were in their best behaviour because they wanted Santa to come with their choice of toys! And probably Santa DID put the toys they wanted. All these….. still waiting under that tree…. And on Xmas day, it’ll hit these parents really hard when there are unopened boxes under that tree…. The same boxes which the kids have been shaking and trying to guess the last 2 weeks! My heart bleeds for them ....

It tears my heart to even imagine half the devastation these parents are going through. This certainly do not need to happen again. If some precautions are done.

In this scenario, the shooter apparently has Asperger. While we all know that usually someone who has Asperger can react irrationally, it wouldn’t have been this grief if he didn’t have the option to use a gun.

Guns are used in every action packed movies and shows that signify power and skills. Just imagine Bruce Willis, Mel Gibson, Angelina Jolie, Collin Farrell -who wouldn’t wanna be seen to have such skills like James Bond does.

Among 98 percent of viewers of these movies understand that this is fiction. And that this should not happen in real life. However, having said that, there are 2 percent to would go home, imagining the glory of his death if his name comes out on the paper because he killed people.

OR this 2 percent might think that that would be a way to solve problems. Just kill everyone. Like an escape.

This news hit me hard. I saw Obama’s speech about this tragedy. He is addressing the situation as a parent. And it’s touching to see him reach out and said that his heart is broken. I just want him to know that of all the people in the world, at this instance, he has the most power to change this situation.

Please do something about the ownership of a gun in America. For the sake of the children. For the sake of the future.

Jacintha Saldanha - Will always be our Royal Nurse.

It's a sad,sad news. Jacitha Saldanha ...

When I heard the prank for the first time, first thought that came to me was how did they get through that easily? Apparently Jacintha was sitting in as a receptionist at that time. It was possibly 5:30am and she probably wasn’t expecting anyone to be so bold (or ruthless) to think that that would be a great joke.

The whole world heard it. And for a while, these two DJs celebrated their triumph for being able to be the greatest imposters of Prince Charles and the Queen. Mel & MC  (DJs from a Australian Network) were being their funny self and thought it was ok to impose as the royals. (Why wouldn’t they start with their own president first? Or have they done that as well?)

    

It wasn’t a bad joke until the latest turn around. The person who answered the call( Nurse Jacintha Saldanha) innocently was trying to assist the queen in her quest to see how Kate was doing. Jacintha, answered the call. However when the prank call was put on air all over the world, it was too much for Jacintha.

Jacintha (who seeks solace in doing an excellent job, no less) found that to have people staring or whispered quite obviously about how that was a careless mistake was too overwhelmingly disappointing on herself. Just imagine the thoughts running through her mind before she resorted to suicide. :(

Was it really careless? I don’t think so. Everyone probably think that she shouldn’t have passed the call. But she has so much respect for the Queen that she was more than happy to assist the Queen in every way possible. Without any doubt in her mind, there would be ruthless imposters out there who would do this as pure fun. How would she know?

If the papparazis and the curious journalists haven’t tried that method ever, why would these ordinary DJs think it was ok to be a nosey from right across the globe? Would I feel upset at these DJs if Jacintha is still alive today? I possibly would be since that would mean she will be reprimanded by her boss and also being talked about in the hospital. The repercussion of such joke hasn’t been thought through obviously. If they do much thinking at all.

Nurse Jacintha Saldanha, is loved by everyone. She finds peace and serenity in having being accepted and liked by her peers and her boss. And she has come all the way from India to make a good living for her children and herself. She has worked so hard to come to where she was at that point of her  life.

Jacintha  excelled in being a great loving mother and while she was at work she found soaring pride in doing her best. Her kids are all grown up and she should celebrate her achievements as being a good employee and a great mother but obviously now he couldn’t. She had two kids who love her dearly and have now being left without a mother. Her husband is still trying to get a grip of what is happening. Confusion is an understatement to what he is feeling at the moment. It was supposed to be FOREVER. And while he thought they would grow old together, this incident (which could easily be avoided) had to happen.

While she was in her own premises not bothering anyone,the DJs felt the need to increase their ratings at the price of someone’s job. They didn’t think that she would get into some kind of trouble for passing the phone? Doesn’t it cross their mind the slightest bit? Of course not.

The days following the worldwide incident must have been horrifyingly terrible for Jacintha since she was waiting for the hospital’s reaction against her. Although they claimed they didn’t do anything harsh on her, I’m pretty sure there must be some sort of reprimanding involved since it involved the royals. And for Jacintha, a good girl from a small village (who finds pride in being on the good books and excel in doing a great job) that was a total let-down on herself.

I can imagine the loud whispers which had been going around as she walked through the hallway. I can imagine the gossips which spurred at the staff canteen which quickly halt to a silent the minute she walked in. I could imagine her locker having more than a few notes of reminders of what a disappointment she was for passing the phone. It was a mistake. Get over it. She was excited to be working so closely with the royals. Yes it could have been more stringent. But that was indeed the first time anyone was bold enough to be imposters.

What is the verdict for the two DJ’s? Are they going to be in trouble for what they did? Is there any consequences for this act? Are we teaching our kids that if you are popular in school it’s ok to bully those who are decent and quiet even if it means it would drive them to their death? What message are we sending now?

At the moment, I have seen many articles on Facebook from my fellow Australian relatives and friends asking us to support the DJs and give them a break because they are getting one of the worse backlash ever. Apparently they are getting death threats and they think their lives are in danger. Oh wow. What did you think Jacintha went through?? I didn’t click “LIKE”. I didn’t think it was necessary. One click of a button wouldn’t change the world. And maybe….just MAYBE, that is the only way for these 2 bold & beautiful (or so they thought) to learn about mental bully.

Should they be protected in case the death threats are real? Yes but let them feel the hostility that they get for being so proud for being the biggest imposters. Apparently after apologising, they still went on and joked about the hoax. Are they really sorry about it? I doubt it.

There should be a clause or a BOLD PRINT for someone like them, to know the line that they cannot cross. It’s the same when you are in school there are rules and regulations to follow and you are definitely aware that putting a prank on your school principal will come with a huge punishment. They are off the air for a while apparently. Let’s see for how long that is going to last.

Radio DJ’s should have known that really. But these 2 must have thought that they are so up there (even though I never knew them till this incident happened) that they could do anything they want.

NOT!!

They forgot who the royals are, I suppose. Consequences for their actions should follow. I haven’t seen or heard any other radio station bold enough to be imposters of the royals. Shame of them.

No “LIKE” click from me definitely.

For Jacintha Saldanha’s family, I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. It shouldn’t have ended this way.

For her 2 kids, there are a lot of bad people out there, it’s just really bad that it happened to your lovely mom. Having said that, there’s usually only a handful of rotten eggs in a big basket of wonderful great ones. Be strong & make your mommy proud.

For Jacintha’s husband, thank you for being strong for the kids….Condolences from my family.

Big hug……. Rest In Peace dear Jacintha….

Rude Aussie experience

I had quite an experience today to make me believe that there is a serious problem in this world!

I was at IKEA carpark (Singapore – Alexandra Branch) this morning. Was there at 10 am and and left at 10:15 am. Yup, I knew I wanted, grabbed and go. I have always been known to all my friends to be a very very safe driver. Too safe actually. Yes, they do make fun of me a lot!

As I was about to exit my parking lot, I checked for any incoming cars or people along my way and when it was all clear. So I slowly started to move out of my lot when all of a sudden, a woman came running straight in front of my car! Out of nowhere. Clearly she was running with a trolley in front of her and she came from the left where the pillar was, making it impossible to see her, especially at that speed!

She stopped just in time not to hit the trolley into my car. I halted the break! Mind you, I was at 8 km/hr. You know the starting mode whereby u haven’t even hit the accelerator?

I honestly didn’t see her during my checks and what was she doing running in front of cars when clearly my lights have been switched on for a while and she must have known I was going to move any time! She sighed as if I almost killed her. (At that speed. Right) Our eyes met. She gave me a piercing look almost as if she has super powers and was trying to squash me to death with her stares. I genuinely said sorry (Although it wasn’t exactly my fault was it? ) and she shook her head like as if that was the worst thing a human being could do but continued walking.

A big Audi drove in front of me. Apparently saw  what happened (They must be friends, who are blind to their friend’s mistake but blame others for everything) & gave me a mean look.  The car stopped and this woman pushing the trolley wailed "She almost killed me!!! Thank goodness I stopped!! These idiots shouldn't be driving!!! "

Excuse me??? Don’t we teach our kids not to run in car parks and be wary of moving cars??

100 Metres away was the car park barrier and the car was in front of it. I was behind the car. Obviously I was stuck. I could have driven around them but 4 women came out of the car and knocked on my window. Seeing that,I came out, thought we are all civilized people and I said sorry again because I am possibly the most careful person but I couldn't possibly see a running trolley from behind a pillar. The driver of the Audi suddenly shouted at me that I shouldn't be driving. What kind of an idiot I was! 

I was taken aback. I said calmly that we were all adults here and explained the obvious that their friend was running and I didn't see her from that angle. I reminded them again that I did a clearance check before I move and she came too sudden. But still I said sorry even though she shouldn't be running like that.

The driver got so mad. And said this is the reason why she hates the local.  (WHAT???!) Apparently she thinks we are all stupid and that we don't know how to drive and god knows how we got our license. (A little childish you think? Just a tad?) 

Again I reminded her, we are all adults and I've already said sorry what more would she need me to do. Obviously no one got hurt. But the woman with the trolley wailed “I could be killed!!!”

Drama queen. Mind you I don’t think she would behave like that if she was alone and her friends didn’t come out of the car. It was purely exaggeration purposes.

I said I was at 8km/h!! Let’s not exaggerate. The whole time I was keeping my cool and didn’t raise my voice like they do. In fact, I was smiling & being very polite. However that somehow have them thinking I'm a push over.

She kept referring me as YOU PEOPLE. I said “Hey come on, let’s not start name calling here. My husband is Aussie too.”

Then it took a sharp turn. Everything hurtful that you could think off came out of her mouth. There were so many vulgarities, it is even embarrassing to mention it here. Some of the things she said was that I must have a low life (prior to marrying an aussie) and a pathetic Aussie must have either got a bad taste or he is fat & ugly & had no choice.

Note: Not correct. I was the one with money & my hubby was a hunk !! Still is!! Less muscles now but he’s still a lean machine!

Well to me at least :)

She said that I should be grateful even getting the diamond ring (Wedding ring) & that I was even driving (Cost of driving a car here is super expensive. A normal car cost about 50000 pounds. I am driving a Mercedes which is of course around 200000 pounds so that was what these ladies were implying – that I only got this car because my husband bought for me. The “luxury” which I wouldn't get if I didn't marry my Aussie husband.

Note: Incorrect again. I bought the car myself as a present to myself for reaching my target goal in my business. So EXCUSE YOU?!!!!! I don't need a husband for that!!!

Worse of all, she asked if I sell myself sexually to gain all these from him? (Yup she was THAT vulgar. U can tell which class of Aussie she came from!! The lowest!)

She continue saying that she can't see why he would marry a girl like me with me being so stupid & just pure ignorant going around killing people. (Right. That’s my past time according to her)

And that even if he really did marry me, she claimed the ring on my hand could damn well be fake. (Well obviously she’s not that well versed with what’s a knock out and what’s real. That really says a lot about her) And that he probably do it out of pity!!

Can you believe these ladies? It's like high school “POPULAR” mean girls talking! But they are nowhere near as hot! It’s all too funny for me. We are at the same level of wealth. And yet they are acting like they haven’t got proper moral education. Ghees, I hope they are not mothers.

If that was enough, she said she bet I don't work because I am too stupid to do anything right. (Right. Because she knows me so well?? Wrong again! I’m working! I run & owned my very own successful advertising company – thank you very much!)

She said all 5 of them are partners in a kids company & they earn their own money. (Good for them. That makes us all equal then! What was the problem then?? Aaahhhh, because I’m apparently a LOCAL!)

I was overwhelmed hearing all these. I smiled (honestly I was slightly amused by it all and was looking forward to what else she could cook up as she went along). And I said “Ok, hope you feel better getting that out of your chest. Must be suffocating! Glad we cleared the air. I hope whatever issues in your life gets solved sooner rather than later or else you might just run out of locals to vent on. You look like you are a mother too. I would love to stay and let you rant further but I have kids to pick up & I wouldn't know how many Aussies I would have to stop or kill along the way. I also need to give them time to help them let off steam session for free. Like I do with you. I might as well provide the counselling couch!”

I laughed out loud. They looked confused for a while since that was the longest speech I made, & they suddenly heard my accent and went "You are American?" 

To which I thought quickly.... Why not bitches!! So I said yes. Haha

They looked confused & actually a little scared (Though I don’t know why). It could be because they were expecting me to be intimidated or at least cowered a little but I stood tall with a smile on my face, suddenly making them feel like they were the joke of the day (They actually were)

“Let me drive around your car & get through the barrier while you collect your thoughts. But before I go, do you wanna take a picture of me and my car to report to the police that I killed your friend who ran in front of my car, nearly hit that trolley into my car? Oh wait, she is still alive here”  I pointed to that woman with the trolley. “Maybe I should take a picture of you ladies so I can give the police pictures of racism in the act? What do you think?”

I saw the leader of the gang swallowed hard. Hah!!! You are playing with fire!!!!

I ended with “Didn’t think so.”

I walked into my car and drove away. They were still standing there. Confused and possibly scared. Didn't expect such vulgarities from someone driving expensive cars and possibly very rich. It's the biggest Audi car I've ever seen! They also have big diamond rings. So you can tell they are super rich. Well I kept my cool because I didn't wanna scoop as low as where they belong.

I'm too “majestic” for that kind of business hahaha.

Plus I love my face. Wouldn't wanna get into a brawl and have those dirty pathetic fist into my beautiful features. Would have made a great video to go viral. Had I have that video camera installed like those cabs have to record what's happening in front of the car, it would have gone wild! Maybe they would be embarrassed. ;) Of themselves

They must have just gotten rich or something. Clearly, they haven’t settle very well in their new lifestyle. They are supposed to be calm and collective and know better than to let their emotions take control of them.

It was disgusting but it gives me another story to blog about . Haha. So thank you for that.

Meanwhile, if you have read about my past, I was brought up as an Aussie. My husband is an Aussie and his family are the best people I know. So it's a one off thing. 

Clearly there is a rotten egg in every basket! ;) I just happened to bump into them.  

Alissa Guernsey's Murder

Recently, I stumbled upon an article which really touched my heart deep. An article about a girl named Alissa Guernsey. She was only 15 months old when she died.

A child as young as that, a time when they are most cuddly, how would anyone have the knack to even hurt her?! We wonder ....

There are a lot of nonsense on Facebook. Some said click like if you believe in god. Yes, like God is gonna put you in heaven for one click on Facebook! Dream on.

And there were some saying, click LIKE if you want to save this girl's life. A picture was included of a terminally ill child. So are there some sick people out there who actually said "Ok, I will give a million for her surgery if there is 1 million LIKE clicks on Facebook "

When you really THINK about it, it's just a self-driven thing in Facebook to make people click. Click LIKE if you do not want to go to hell. Well, I didn't, will I go to hell even though I've been a kind soul on earth??? Go figure.

Anyway, one of the click LIKE thing is this article on Alissa. See, I don't completely over see these clicking business. I still read the articles and some are worthwhile and some are worth your attention.

This on Alissa grabbed my attention so much that I started to google about her only to find out that her death was in 2009. The year my daughter was born.

I read her story about how she lost her dad and her custody was given to her cousin! Apparently at that time, Alissa's mother was charged for drug abused so much so that her children were removed from her and given to her cousin & murderer Christy Shaffer.

Her death, although a little late, had at first got her mother (Kelli Sprunger) hit rock bottom & then slowly regaining her life and getting herself close to God. Kelli regretted that her misuse of drugs have eventually caused her daughter to die in the hands of her own cousin.

I could just imagine how she must have felt and I am proud of her for wanting to change for the better. Her wakeup call came a little harsh and a little too late but she still has other kids that she now has a chance to take care of.

Christy was supposed to be sentenced to 10 years in jail. Out of which, 6 years were suspended. And due to good behaviour, Christy was released only after 77 days in jail.

Is that justice? Just imagine Alissa's cries for help when she was hit again and again. And no one was there to help her. She was in pain...

If you are a mother, you can relate to the loss of this beautiful baby. If you would, instead of just clicking LIKE, please go to the link below and let’s join hands to have a petition on this. Please, let’s make a difference.

 http://community.babycenter.com/post/a37196974/alissa_guernsey_needs_your_help_child_abusemurder_trigger

Dr Richard Teo - Singapore

Recently, I was visiting an uncle and an aunt in 2 separate hospitals. One was diagnosed with Tuberculosis. While the other has yet to be confirmed ( results to be out in 2 weeks).

While I was there, among many other relatives who were there accompanying our sick relatives, another uncle talked about his near missed experience with cancer.

It wouldn’t have been detected if he didn't go for his annual check up.They found something just not quite right about his kidney. They did some test and found some cancerous cells in it.

It was an early stage. Only detected because he did an annual check-up. He is cancer free today because he acted on it before it dominates him.

Meanwhile, the others, like my mom, do not believe in doing this regular thorough check up.

What if there are cancerous cells in any one of us? Cancer seems to be creeping up on us when we least expect it. It’s a scary notion to have everything under control but to have your body cells ruined by these damn cancer cells??!!! It’s just heart breaking. How can something so not tangible (you can’t even strangle it to death, damn it!) rule our fear!???

Recently, I stumbled upon an article about a doctor. Here’s the link:

http://www.nextinsight.net/index.php/story-archive-mainmenu-60/916-2012/5992-dr-richard-teo-

Please have a read. It was a moving speech he gave to the future doctors whom we hope will learn from his experience. Dr Teo had everything he ever wanted. He was at the pinnacle of his life! And yet, everything crumbled in a min when the news was told to him that he had a stage 4B cancer dominating his whole body.

What can be done? Nothing. Not even the millions he had could save him. He was talented, good looking, rich and successful. Everything a man can ever wish for. And yet, it was all short-lived.

When I read his speech, it was almost like a plot written for the movies. Isn’t it a cliché that the successful one always get such down fall? To hear it in real life, from a real person, makes it all so surreal and scary altogether.

Cancer can be anywhere. It can creep on you at any point of your lives. It has no emotions to let you stay longer with your loved ones.

I beg everyone (and myself included) to please have a regular check up to detect any signs early so that this evil “disease” can be eradicated before it invades every inch of your body.

Have early detection. Don’t wait. Till it’s too late.

Do I want a 3rd one? Hmmmm ...

So my kids are not babies anymore. They are more fun to be with and they are wonderful to travel with. Traveling became a breeze. Well, compared to how it was before.

While waiting for our flight to France, in London, I was recalling the many gushes and gasped we got from my husband's side of the family.

Our kids are mixed. And therefore they look "different".

That was the first time my husband's family saw the kids and they were completely smitten by both of them. They even took time off to spend their time with the kids.

As we travelled together through England, I saw them proudly held my kids' hands and was enjoying the admiration and the stares we got from everyone else.

My son is a charmer. He would wave and blow kisses at anyone who walks pass him which made him so irressitable! He has dimples on both cheeks and he smiles and chuckles making everyone else feels like they are so funny or entertaining.

My daughter takes a while to warm up usually but when she does, her giggles and her laughter attracts a lot of admiration too. She has a beautiful smile. And too often, people stopped us to tell us how beautiful they are.

I really didn't think much about it until my hubby's uncle leaned on me and said "You two produced such beautiful babies. You sure you want to stop at 2?"

Good question. For the longest time, we never thought about having more. I don't even know if I can but I didn't consider having more after the birth of my son.

My experience  in delivering my daughter (In Singapore) was so beautiful and effortless that I remembered telling my husband that we can have 7 if he wants to. Yup, it was that breezy for me (with the help of epidural of course).

The experience wasn't quite the same for my son. We gave birth to him in Australia and the experience was so traumatising that I said I will never ever have another baby!

So that was that. I always said now that we have a boy and a girl,the factory is closed. We said it too many times that we somehow both were convinced that that was what we want.

When my hubby's uncle asked me about it, I just smiled. I didn't even think it through. My husband was also talking about plans for our holidays next year which of course will not have any room for an infant! So we really didn't take it seriously.

Until I was sitting there in the lounge, waiting for the next flight and staring at my kids playing and giggling.... such beautiful creatures. Annoying at times but they are mostly good kids. I enjoyed the time I had so far, watching them grow... I know I'm reminiscing as if they are all grown up and walking down the aisle....we are talking about a short time here. One is 3 and one is almost 2. Haha

Still, I watched them from an infant to being able to tell me to drive carefully. :) I love them so much and hearing so many people, including my mother in law, saying that she regretted stopping at 2, it made me contemplate the situation.

Am I getting clucky? Not really? I have things planned out for me for the next 2 years which wouldn't allow me to have any babies these 2 years. We have holidays planned as well. Everything we do or planned do not include a 3rd one.

I briefly mentioned it to my husband, one drunk night and he asked if I was ready to go through everything again. It wasn't quite clear if he wants it or not but I quickly dropped the subject somehow.

When we returned back home from our holiday, we had a little gathering to catch up with family after 3 weeks of being away. It was on this day that my brother announced that his wife is 7 weeks pregnant! Their second pregnancy is conceived when their 1st was 6 months old. Exactly the age when my daughter was when I conceived my son. We congratulated them & we celebrated the joyous news.

On the drive back, I brought up that it was strange that this news came a day after we were talking about it!! And yet it is not us, it's my brother's family. :)

Then I missed my period. It was supposed to come on the 20th and ya big deal, I'm just 4 days late!! Yet, it's been playing in my head .. what if??!!! I mentally tried to find ways to actually change the plans to make it possible to have an infant - nope, haven't found anything yet but my brain was constantly trying ... I looked through the internet and see when should I check with a pregnancy kit. It says 6-12 after conception. When is conception? Yup, I got busy checking all these and used up a full day!

I know I am not ready mentally and maybe it will be too wishful to think it'll happen again (since doctors are still wondering how I conceinved my 2 kids when I have been diagnosed as not being able to conceive any1) but I found a little bit of happiness, (just a little bit - obviously I forgot the pain of the 1st year) sitting in my heart wanting it to be true.

So this morning, I bought a pregnancy kit. I didn't discuss with anyone. Not even with my husband. I've missed my period and after spending a whole afternoon reminding myself all  info that I already knew from the past kids, I've decided to take a pregnancy kit.

I was quietly playing in my head of ways to tell my husband that I'm pregnant. I replayed it again and again and again ... so In a way, I think I must want it somehow.

I did the test when the kids were taking a nap. And it came out ........ NEGATIVE.

I sat there, feeling a little sad. Weird isn't it? I'm not even supposed to have this baby?? Then I started telling myself that maybe I didn't wait long enough or maybe I did it wrong and that's why it's negative.

I saw myself talking myself into it as if all I wanted to see was it's POSITIVE! That scares me a little.What's going on?

I don't know really .... Realistically, the period is possibly delayed due to the hectic traveling and the aftermath of catching up on piles of work after a holiday. But this stubborn brain just wouldn't wanna believe it....

So PERIOD, please stop playing games with my head. You either come soon and put this questions to rest or make it positive! Either way, I'll be happy I guess. :)

Love,

Me

My Sweet, Loving Mother In Law

I respect anyone with their own views. I also expect people to respect my views & beliefs.

My mother in law is the sweetest person I've ever known. She would go to such an extend to make everyone feels go good.

She does get on my nerves sometimes but there's not an inch of me that do not love her so much that I know I would do everything I can for her.

Here are some of the points which bothered tickle my not so funny side.

MR & MRS BLUNDER

Last night my mother in law (MIL) 'whatsapp' (iphone & android application) me and asked if we have received our special card.

We have just arrived back home a 19 day holiday in London & in France. We haven't checked the mailbox.

I told her I will fetch it then & revert back to her. :) Before the card was in my hand, my husband and I were joking and laughing as always.

Then the card came to my hand and I saw "To Mr & Mrs XXXX"

I passed the card to my husband & bluntly said "She is pushing it doesn't she?"

Don't get me wrong. I think I'm blessed with the bet mother in law in the world. She would do so much for me & I would do the same for her. I love her dearly to a point that she knows me more than my biological mother knows me. I am more myself with her than I am with my biological mother!

Having said that, she has her traditional ways. And I've been a controversy since I came into my husband's life! I'm not traditional. I'm not what everyone expects of a wife or a mother or a daughter in law.

While she secretly enjoyed my free spirited mentality (since we joked a lot and I do make her laugh a whole lot.), she sometimes do wish I would conform a little bit to the rest of the world.

When we announced that we were getting married, she was quick to say that she can't wait for me to be part of the clan - to be yet another Mrs XXXX. And me being me, I was quick to say that I will be part of the clan but I will not take my husband's last name and will retain my last name.

That affected her for a long time. I had the dillema of conforming to make her happy while I am not at ease or let them get used to how things would be with me. Fair to say that I made up for not conforming in my other special ways. And slowly, she got over it.

Having said that, there will be random cards or word on the cake....something you can't take back which still pushes "Mrs XXXX"

And last night....5 years, 2 kids and many ups and downs (between me & her) later, she still wrote that. I was sad. It hurts me that I wasn't heard. I felt like I wasn't taken seriously. Like she thought this is just a fad or a thing that I would finally get over. I've told her the reason why I am keeping my last name. That was the only legal thing I have of my late parents and to have her disrespect that and still pushing it through - it hurts.

I did over react a little bit. After passing the card to my husband, I said "I'll make them learn!!! I'll change my kids last name only to mine!!!"

And my husband knows that if I say something like that, he knows I am capable of doing. He got upset. I got upset.

At the moment it's like "MINE-HIS" ... and no, I wasn't serious about changing their last names. Was just being defiant at that second. :)

And I said I didn't want to talk about it and went straight to bed. It bothered me so much that I was tossing and turning badly to a point that it became annoying!

I wrote a message to her & copied my husband on it

"I'm not Mrs XXXX. I'm Hera. Hate me for not conforming. I'm not afraid of being me, I'm not afraid of not being liked for something I believe in.

Somehow I haven't made myself clear enough.

All I'm asking is a bit of respect & acknowledgment that your are aware that I am not Mrx XXXX.

I can't open the car. I'm really sorry. It's not you. It's the principle. Have passed the card to your son. Maybe he will read it.

I do appreciate your thoughts though. Thank you so much for remembering our anniversary. And making the sweetest gesture of sending the card. Love u.

Thank you so much for having a big heart.

Just ... Hera"

I didn't hear from her for half a day before she replied "For god's sake , I forgot."

I don't know what to make of that. You forgot that I am not Mrs XXXX?? Well, she is old after all.

I am usually quick to forgive her because I know in many case she does things with good intentions. Like sending the card for our anniversary. She does have a big gigantic heart. She loves our kids and showered us with a whole lot of love. And I love her for that. But it's the small things that seals the deal..... like the name on the card.

This morning, my sweet husband was trying to make peace between the 2 important women in his life. He said his mom is old after all, she doesn't realise these things. I said I am aware of that but I also need to point out what's important for me. I told him I'm just upset. I love her no less but let me pour it out on a blog and feel better first before I deal with this again! ;)

It's one of those things, you know. Like I said, I think she is perfect for me. She is young at heart. She could take my jokes. But there are certain things which may cut the blade sometimes.

NOT ADDRESSING HER AS MOM

I could think of is when we just got a baby. 4 years ago. Before we were married I have never called her anything. not "mom", not her name. Nothing. When I need to address her, I went to her and speak to her. There wasn't a need to call out for her. There simply wasn't a need to do that.

I didn't see any problem with it at all. Well, what's not a problem for me, may be an issue for another. Just like this last name issue we are going through right now.

So one day, we had a "meet the baby" gathering. We live in Singapore and my husband's family lives in Australia. So when my daughter was like a month old or so, we decided to have a little gathering so they all get to see the new addition to the family. We have lived at her place for a week before the party was held.

During that party, she suddenly brought up to her cousin that she was nothing to me. Alright ..... well, I was sure we could have discussed about this NOT in front of everyone.

"I am 'she', 'her', 'your mom', but she has never address me as anything! I don't know what I am!!! I'm not mom. I'm not Mrs XXXX. Not even my name!" She retorted as tears welling up her eyes.

That did caught me off guard. I didn't expect that. I didn't realise it was bothering her. I didn't know. I should have seen it coming but it was all building up inside her and it had to burst out in an outrage right in front of all the guests.

Even though everyone was staring at me, I know I didn't need to address this issue in front of everyone. I just smiled at all the cold stares I was getting - Yes yet again I am the cold bitch! Voila! Here I am for everyone to see! 

My husband managed to break the silence by popping a bottle of champagne. I went to her, squeezed her hand & then gave her a hug. She leaned over and wiped her tears off.

The next day, I told her that I need more time. I haven't grown up with parents & to suddenly medal someone a mom (because I married her son), that is a little unfair for me as I don't want to replace my late mom's place yet. I took very long before I started calling my biological mom 'mommy', it'll take just as long for her too. It'll all take time.

Weird ain't it? She was just feeling a little insecure and I understand that. And I could have shouted at her and retaliate to why she had to create such a scene in front of the whole world. But I chose to hold her and tell her that I have my ways to show her how much I care for her.

NO JOINT ACCOUNT

Traditionally in a marriage, men & women shares their everything. My husband & I are 2 business people who has several business under our belts.

We do support each other if one business is in trouble than the other. However, what we don't have is a joint account.

Due to the complexity of our businesses & the vast difference of one business to another, we have never tempted to have a joint account until my mother in law actually brought it up.

She said that a husband and wife should share everything including a joint account. My independence seems to be something new for her.

Mind you she was also a working woman when she was younger but her husband is the bigger bread winner and she likes being taken care of.

Me on the other hand, loves to be independent. We spoke about this in 2007. She somehow felt that it's unheard of that I will not consider having a joint account.

I didn't quite understand the concept but we didn't bring it up again. So I guess from that point forward, she knows that I'm not that typical daughter in law she was hoping to get ;)

She loves me dearly though. Well, I want to believe so. :)

MY KIDS LAST NAME

When I was pregnant with my daughter, she was so happy. I wasn't born healthy so before my marriage I've told her that she shouldn't expect any babies along the way since the doctors said I will not be able to conceive.

3 months after marriage, somehow, by such miracle, I conceived. She was so happy and she was pampering me too much and she was also marking her territory.

She said this baby is going to be a XXXX (the family's last name). Well, needless to say, that kind of tone didn't do well with a feminist like me. I'm rebellious ESPECIALLY when someone demanded that things are done ONLY the way they want it.

The way I see it - I was the one being pregnant, I was the one going through the discomfort, I was the one getting fat - so nobody else should tell me what I should do. The last thing I need is someone pushing my daughter's last name on me because she is so afraid that I would not put the family's last name since I didn't take my husband's last name.

Well, it is still not his last name. I put both our last name as our kids' surname. Yet, there's that bit of regret for even adding my husband's last name. Because till today, my last name has always been conveniently skipped when their names are written on presents of cards. She still think that's the RIGHT thing to do.

I have every right to blow up. But I haven't. That was my kids and not entirely me. So I let it slide. Many many times. If it happens again this Xmas, it will not be pretty. I have told her many times that maybe she should just play it safe and just put their first name. And not get into too much trouble.

PORK, BACON, HAM, ETC

Being brought up an evangelist by my late parents, we do not eat pork or any form of it. And she was made known about it. My sweet husband has stopped consuming pork since we got together and he is still maintaining that stand after all these years.

Knowing that his wife doens't eat pork and her son is standing on that theory as well, she still buys his favourite ham or bacon from his favourite shop when he was a teenager and said she bought it only for him and therefore he has to eat it.

What do you call that? Mean to be waving a carrot in front of a donkey when the donkey has his mouth covered?

Was it a plight to check her influence on him, to see if she has power on him still? Was it her being insecure of his son's latest change? Coz he moved out when he was was 17 and he is 40 now. Before I came along, she hardly remembers that he likes those ham and bacon! It's not intentional, I know that because I know she won't even hurt an ant! But somehow she felt the need to remind him of his favourites now that he is not going to eat it? Strange aint it?

Anyway, one day, I will be a mother in law too. And there will be certain things  I want my way but I know that once the kids leave the nest, I would have no say whatsoever. And their first priority will always be the love of their lives. And I would need to respect that. Whether I like it or not (Possibly NOT)

It will take a lot of getting used to since I have been raising them and have been in charge of their everything & to see them abiding to their partner's rule instead of your preference, could be hurtful I guess.

Such is life though. Meanwhile, I'm still lucky that on top of some annoying points, she is still the best mother in law I could think of! :)

PS: And I'm even saying this even when she has no access to this blog!