Monday, June 30, 2014

History bites back!

I wouldn't believe it even if I tell u.

It's basically got something to do with my memory. The hypnotherapy they did have since faded off so I can suddenly remember everything from my past.

They took 10 yrs to get me over my self blame issue over my parents death & they did well to turn me into a jovial happy girl thru hypnotherapy - something like hypnotizing me to not feel the emotional pain of my loss.

Unfortunately the memory was unlocked somehow starting last week.

I became this hurt girl again from the time when I was 9yrs old. When I was fresh in Australia and abused by everyone in an orphanage in Australia.

You can imagine how tough it was for my husband to see me hating Australian all over again. I sleep walk and sleep talk literally to what I was traumatized about and my husband literally re-lived what I went through. Almost every night.

The lack of sleep plus the gruesome memory made me a different person.

Gucci (my friend) was complaining abt this and that. I just stared at her, thinking "is she for real?!! Does she know how bloody lucky she is?!? Complaining like no tomorrow about something which is not even a problem to many! Does she want to know what a  real problem is??!!! "

FIRST WORLD ISSUES!!!

So what happened after that? When she didnt stop complaining, something took over me. The usual me would smile and agree with her and be the good friend that I am. I would let her frustration out and just nod. But no, I was tired (of everything I guess), I have my own issues... A rich woman's issue is soooooo lame to me at that moment!

So I did what I did to my husband. I told her the cold hard truth. The truth is not exactly the nicest to hear. The truth hurts most times. I spared no emotions in telling her how the issue can be solved. I spared no mercy at all.

Why would I?! I was a wounded lion. And hearing a rhino complaining about a toothache while I have an open wound, of course I would pounce and attack!!

I was quiet on the way to the hospital and I told my husband not to come. I puked 3 times before session even begins.

I was nervous.
I was happy ( coz I wouldn't be wounded after that) I was sad ( coz those memories were apart of me and it'll depart away from me... Like a piece of me .. Gone ... Till it recurs again) I was angry (why it has to happen to me) I was disappointed (by the number of people I've pissed off for telling the whole truth)

My regular doctor wasn't there but he was so nice that he remembered  6 yrs ago when he did my session, he gave me a tub of Ben & Jerry while he was easing himself into my mind.

While he's not in town, he makes sure his replacement came in with a tub of Ben & Jerry & my file tucked under his arms. I thought that was sweet. I felt at ease that he genuinely cares.

So I spent the last 2 hours in a sub conscious world. Almost like I'm a dream. Now it's locked again, I don't think I'll be sleep walking, re-enacting what happened in my past or cry at the weirdest time anymore.

I'm also more aware that its nobody's fault that I had my past. It made me such irresistible person that I am now Hahahahaha. !

Gucci haven't spoken to me since our talk. At this point, I'm questioning a lot of things in my life.

Last night I said I need to change something. 

One bestfriend , I planned to let go so his wife doesn't kill him. ;) I don't really like the idea since I now have to kill him since he knows a lot of my secret!! Just kidding.

And Gucci probably is a little too opposite of me to really compliment my potential in life as a friend. So I'll put up a post tomorrow and see who is free to come for interview to replace these two bestfriends of mine.

U like my idea so far? Hahaha

PS: This was written a year ago. Just noticed it wasn't published. Publishing it now. 

Missing my past life ...

Who am I? Too many times I wonder where I would be in life if I didn’t change my friends, my lifestyle, etc. 

A long time ago, I frequent a cafe with my friends back then. One day an old man whom I noticed been there every time I was there told me something strange 

“Young lady, you are meant to be something bigger than this. Don’t waste your time. These so called friends are an obstacle for what you really can be.  They do not support progress and instead you degress to be at their level … just to be their friends. You are who you hang out with and I can say with experience that you are definitely hanging out with the wrong friends.”

How did I react? I thought he was just crazy. I went home that day and surprisingly i was genuinely thinking over the things he said. The next day, I found out i got accepted into one of the best company at that time. But it was in another town.  I went to my friends to make the announcement but I was welcomed by a solemn greeting. They were not happy for my success. They questioned my friendship and if I would leave town and sacrifice them for a fantastic job. They made me feel so guilty. As if I was a bad person. My happy news was dampened quickly. 

That night, I thought things through. We didn’t have handphone back then (though I’m not that old yet ;) ) . I called them one by one on a public phone telling them that I was leaving town for the job. Most of them hang up… 

I didn’t give up. I was sure that our friendship would live the test of time and distance. I continued writing to them (yes, letters! I swear I’m not that old!) I came back every off time I got. And it was only when I broke up with my boyfriend I realised that there wasn’t any worth of this friendship. They didn’t like the idea of me breaking up and wanted me to stay with him even though he has been cheating on me. That was when I realised that maybe they are indeed not true friends. I left. 

That was 2005. I went on life without real friends for 2 years. . I am very sociable in nature so making friends are not a real problem but I don’t trust people that much anymore and I didn’t let anyone close to me. 

It’s 2014 now. I found myself searching for them on Facebook. Seeing their pictures, their weddings that i missed, their babies, their lives. And the strangest thing was that the ones who weren’t there for them through thick and thin were there for their wedding and I wasn’t. A little heavy stone fell straight to the bottom of my heart. One side of me want to contact them to say hi.  They probably will not appreciate seeing me. 

I left. For good reasons. I felt betrayed and I know that I wouldn’t go anywhere with them in my life. I know I wouldn’t grow as a person and I wouldn’t want that. I wouldn’t be able to reach the peak of my career like I did. Today, I can say I live a financially free life. I have everything I need. A car, a boat, a nice house in front of the sea, kids, a wonderful husband, very loyal friends around me … I really am grateful for what I’ve got around me now.  It didn’t come easily. I worked hard to climb the corporate ladder till I reached the top and had no where to go. Then I build a company. Mould it into a successful one, sell it. Started another one. So on and so forth. 

I also do a lot of charity and volunteer job so before you label me a snob rich brat, I have you know I am probably the most humble one you have ever known.  Should I contact them? 

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Rachel wins ...

So, I haven’t been abreast with my post. Honestly, it’s embarrassing!! I had 3 posts for 2013! Yeah, let’s join forces and try to whip me sometimes and remind me that I’m due for the next post!!
 
Alright … in my defence, life has taken over in a big way and so many things has happened. I was up. I was down. I was hot. I was cold. (Feels so Katy Perry right now!) ;) I was all over the place. And therefore this blog has taken a back seat.
 
So from now on, I think I shall take this blog in a different perspective. I’ll take it as my diary. An avenue for me to vent or rant … No one puts a gunpoint for you to continue reading so the choice is yours. ;)
 
There were a few major things which happened which I have yet to comprehend. Maybe I’m just growing older and wiser and maybe it really was my fault. Maybe I was just Miss Nice whom everyone loves to walk on. Who knows?
 
I’ll share with you a few things which happened. Let’s talk about the first thing. And probably the longest blog you would ever read.
 
Rachel
 
In 2012, my beautiful niece was born. My mom being the sweet person that she is, told my brother (Sam) that she wouldn’t mind babysitting the baby for a while after his wife, Rachel, goes back to work after 4 months of maternity leave.
 
Yes in Singapore, women get only 4 months maternity leave before you are expected to go back to work. Doesn’t work for me because I have my own company. I therefore never really stopped working. I just do more hours at home than in the office.
 
Anyway, Rachel got married to my brother Sam on her final year of her law school. Don’t ask me why the hurry. I later found out that she had such an argument with her sisters that she just wanted to get out of the house and Sam being the biggest sweetheart would of course rescue the damsel in distress. I never understood how siblings could argue so bad that she really didn’t want them even in her wedding. My brother managed to console her to it. And they were re-listed in the wedding invitation only at the very last minute.
 
She likes the feeling of a QUEEN who has the last say. Rachel is the youngest of 5. Her siblings were all much older than her and she has always gotten things her way. ALWAYS. She is never short of branded things on her because her siblings looked at her as their child due to the age gap. She was trying the same technique on my brother while they were going out and he really couldn’t stand it and wanted to call it quits. My mom said she cried the whole day waiting outside the door begging for his forgiveness. My brother took her back. (Stupid boy) And two years later they were married.
 
Rachel has always REALLY wanted my life. Or rather she wants to be me. It was rather obvious in everything she did. She told Sam she wanted the same 3 carat diamond that I got for my engagement from my husband.
 
My brother is a very simple guy. He is very pious and religious. He is not really driven to really make lotsa money. My husband is an entrepreneur. Making lotsa money is his passion. Sam’s salary is very small and she was still in school at that time. I remembered my brother calling me asking me how much my ring was. I gulped. How could I tell him that my ring was 5 times his annual salary PLUS bonus.
 
I reminded him that my husband is at a different stage of his life. Which really is true. He has been working for a while and basically stable in the financial side. My brother has just started working for 6 months and that it would be silly of her to “hint” that she wanted the same one. Why would she demand that? I told him that he should focus on love. I offered to pay for their honeymoon. He got a flower shaped ring whereby lotsa tiny diamonds made into one. In a way, in a distance it does give a glimpse as if it’s a solitaire. He showed us the ring nervously and I thought it was beautiful. He quietly said that that was all he could afford. I told him that his love was all that matters anyway.
 
Shortly after marriage and after hanging out with my husband and I a bit more, they started calling each other “Hon.” Like my husband & I do. They used to call each other “ B” I think it was short for “Baby”. I didn’t really think much about that.
 
She came over to our place, she seems to like a particular cupboard that we brought from Australia. They went to IKEA and bought similar concept cupboard. My husband is very lovey dovey to me and suddenly my brother who is not comfortable with PDA is seen to be forcing out some PDA. It looked more awkward than anything else.
 
They lived at my parents’ place while waiting for their apartment to be ready. And throughout the whole year and a half, my mom said Rachel has never ever done any sort of housework. She has never done so when she was living with her family and when living with my parents, my brother was doing all the housework. My mom said it didn’t matter much since Sam was doing it. Rachel is allergic to household chores.
 
During her school time, she took a part time job in Espirit retail shop. And one of the tasks was to sweep the floor. She quit her job when she was told it was her turn that week to do the cleaning of the retail shop. She didn’t really want to work. She was just doing it to pass her time and have extra cash to buy branded shoes.
 
Until today, she would not do any sort of housework. She is really meant to marry a king and to live a princess life.
 
We were driving a LEXUS RX350. And she was telling my brother that that was the car they will be buying soon. My brother started to take two jobs to sustain her lifestyle.
 
The biggest thing which made it so obvious was when she asked me when I conceived my first child. I told her on the 3rd month of marriage. Mind you. I was 33 and I have a stable high ranking job and we are fantastic financially. And both my job and my husband’s are at a point whereby we could work remotely from anywhere. She was just about to do her bar in court, he just worked for just 14 months by then and they have no financial stability. She was 23. The plan to buy a car had to be scrapped. She got pregnant after 3 months of being married.
 
She had a very difficult pregnancy. More because she has no tolerance for pain or stress. She did her internship in 4 different companies because she claimed it was stressful. After the 4th company you really start to wonder if she knows that being a lawyer is not only about having the glamorous tag of being called a lawyer, it also comes with stress. I only knew that her pregnancy was exaggerated when I brought her to the doctor one day because my brother was held up at work and the doctor spoke to me personally that Rachel was just not a capable person. She basically cannot do anything. The doctor said she complained about everything that she started to realise that Rachel was just not happy doing anything. She just wanted to do nothing.
 
Oh by the way, her gynaecologist was mine. Yes Rachel wanted the same gynaecologist too. The gynaecologist was telling me, how was it that me (the one with an illness since childhood and having a complicated pregnancy) had no complains and staying positive while this very healthy girl complained about everything. She also told me that the complains are exaggerated to make my brother feels like he owes his life to her. Rachel spent her pregnancy laying around doing nothing because she didn’t want to work after quitting her 4th company and said it was too stressful.
 
How is it I was doing everything and was so active and not letting my pregnancy get in the way while she seemed to literally have a banner on her forehead saying “MAKING A BABY INSIDE ME> BIG JOB> CANT DO ANYTHING”
 
It was fair to say that she wasn’t really well liked by people. Everyone can see what she was doing. What I shouldn’t have done was telling her how grateful I am that my husband was doing the night shift so that I can concentrate on resting and pumping for breast milk twice during the night And try to go back to sleep without having to wake up to feed my baby. He is able to do that because he is his own boss.
 
Rachel demanded the same from my brother. My brother is just an employee. He would get fired if he couldn’t concentrate on his work. We found out that during her maternity, yes the time when she didn’t have to go to work (remember I didn’t have any maternity leave?), she told Sam that he should be a good husband and do the nightshift too. My brother is also a peace maker. He would rather just do what she wants than to argue. So there were times when we were talking to my brother and his eyes were closing because he had 6 hours of sleep in a week.
 
She looked fantastic for someone who just gave birth. She had enough sleep. She didn’t want to pump at night and therefore her milk supply didn’t really flow and decided she didn’t want to breastfeed. She has ample sleep and rest. And she doesn’t do nappy change either. She would rather wait for my brother to come back home during lunch time to change the baby. If I was there I would change her baby’s nappy 5 times before lunchtime … which explained why the baby had horrible excruciating rash on her private area. I would wash the baby and change her. I would buy some products to help with her rash. Poor child.
 
Rachel is not ready to be a mother even though she hailed about her motherhood on facebook. Being a mother is not only about playing with the kids while they are smiling and completely ignore them when they are crying. She just wanted to be a mommy because it does sound cool. They hired a maid shortly after the first child was born. The baby’s rash reduced significantly since there was someone changing her nappy often enough.
 
They sent the helper to my mother’s house. They wanted my mom to watch their helper take care of the baby. It was supposed to be a temporary arrangement. I conceived my son when my daughter was only 5 months old. I was told I would not be able to be so lucky to get another miracle so therefore we were not careful and it was an accident. It’s a fantastic accident and we are so lucky to have him today. I only suspected something when Rachel asked me again how old was my daughter when I conceived my son. I told her.
 
2 months later, she told us that she was pregnant with their second child. Conceived 5 months after her first child was born. Coincidence? My brother? No, he wanted a break before the second child. He was already struggling financially. Did she care? Obviously not so much. What Rachel wants, Rachel gets. And he was told that she was taking the pills. Her helper later told me that she didn’t take any of those pills because they were still in the boxes. My brother wasn’t involved in the decision making process. It got him by surprise. He was panicking because he knows they would be really financially tight.
 
The helper does everything for the babies. However, this went on for a year and then soon after that the second child came and my mom began to realise that this arrangement could be permanent as long as they keep popping kids out.
 
I have two kids and would sometimes, thought very rarely, ask my mom to help babysit once in a while. But I have never had my kids at my mom’s house permanently everyday from 7-7. They even put a camera at my mom’s house which my mom didn’t appreciate because she felt her personal space was being invaded.
 
On top of that my mom was not allowed to go out of her apartment as long as the kids are there. She wasn’t allowed to go to a nearby grocery shop because they were not comfortable with the maid alone with their babies. I even suggested for them to go for walks. But Rachel wasn’t comfortable with the idea because the babies would be kidnapped. … I know. A little bit screwed in the head.
 
So my mom became trapped in her own house and on weekends she only has the energy to do her grocery shopping and enjoys the peace and quiet. For two years my mom didn’t visit anyone, meet up anyone, and go to the gym or any social outings because of this obligation.
 
Slowly my mom shrunk in size. She also became weak. With no exercise and no social life, my mom slowly became unhappy. She is always happy to spend time with the babies but it was taking over her life.
 
The first child has no form of discipline and she screams her lungs out for anything because the maid has to comply otherwise Rachel would hear it from the CCTV and would call her and scold her. My mom didn’t feel right trying to discipline the screaming child because she didn’t want to upset Rachel. The screaming somehow made her chest hurt with every scream.
 
In September 29th 2013, my sister, her husband and 2 kids aged 4 and 2 came to Singapore and stayed with me for a month. During this time, she went to my mom’s place every so often. She wanted to take her kids to interesting places, like the zoo or the Universal Studio. And she wanted to take my mom along so that she gets to spend more time with the grandkids who are usually in Singapore one month per year.
 
She almost pleaded my brother for time off so she could take my mom out with her. In the beginning he said he would take time of work whenever my sister would want to take my mom out. But she told him that she wants to spend time with her mom and that she wanted her kids to spend time with her mom. My brother then said that he couldn’t take time off work the whole month. My sister felt bad that everytime she wanted to spend time with my mom they have to go to my mom’s place.
 
The issue is, my mom’s attention would quickly go to the two babies and left her kids yearning for attention. Every day, she would come home telling me how disturbing she felt about this whole arrangement. We tried hinting to my brother a few times but we know how my brother works. If he knows his wife will not take it well, he will not deal with it.
 
It must have been hell at home if he desperately wants to keep the peace at home. We also slowly found out that she does give him threats whenever he didn’t comply. And she knows his weakest link. She said she would divorce him and her being a lawyer; she will make sure he will never see his kids ever again. That would be a life sentence for my brother who has been so involved in the babies’ lives.
 
Yes she did carry them for 10 months. Yes she did deliver them. However, my brother has been coming home every lunch time to spend time with his kids. The kids run to daddy when they feel upset or scared. Not mommy.
 
Even my dad, who is oblivious to many things were asking “Why is she not picking up her crying baby who is in front of her? Why is facebook more important than picking up the crying child?” Because in her mind, she had a very tiring day at work and when she comes home she just wanna see happy kids to play with. When they are crying or dirty, that would be the helper’s and Sam’s responsibility. I couldn’t take it. Being a mother myself. I picked up the second child and calmed her down. How could a mother bear seeing her child cry and not react?
 
She claimed she is uncomfortable about the kids leaving home for walks because she is worried they will be kidnapped. She claimed that she didn’t want to put her kids in daycare because she doesn’t trust the daycare. They could hurt her kids. And having all these strong fear, she doesn’t seem to give a damn about the kids when they are in front of her. We saw pictures and pictures of smiling kids and her hailing “I’m meant to be a mom.”
 
Makes me question what makes a mom a mother. WE are all working moms and yes we have limited time with our kids but when we do have the kids, don’t we want to spend every second of their waking hours with them? And attending to them?
 
Rachel doesn’t raise her kids. When my brother is not around, and her kids were upset, they ran to the kitchen looking for the helper. How is it she hailed she is a mother?
 
Anyway, seeing all these and not said anything, on 29th October 2013, Sam, Rachel and the 2 kids came to my place. My sister was busy packing and in the middle of packing, my sister said she wanted some changes done to mom’s life. Mom was a prisoner in her own home.
 
Of course my mom has confided in my sister and explained why she couldn’t spend much time with her far away grandkids. My sister basically presented the fact. That their two kids have bought my mom’s freedom.
 
My brother insisted that my mom said she wanted to care for the kids. That was true. But she didn’t think it was going to be a permanent arrangement. And she didn’t think that they would have a second child so soon.
 
Throughout the whole discussion I lost my tongue. I didn’t know how to present it. I know my sister in law and how bad she is in handling any form of stress. She has everything her way or no way. And she doesn’t like someone telling her that things need to change.
 
The reality was, they did take my parents for granted. They didn’t give another thought about it. They didn’t discuss with my mom if it was ok when the second child comes. They just assumed my mom would be jumping with joy without realising how tiring bringing up kids would be.
 
Rachel wouldn’t know because she doesn’t bring their kids up. It would either be the helper, or my brother or my mom. She just has the fun part of it all…. So the conversation was as such.
 
Sis: I just want to take the opportunity to highlight a situation which was slightly frustrating this past one month. I am only here for a month and the whole point about this trip is to spend as much time as I have with mom and dad and that they have time to spend with their grandkids that they meet one month annually. That wasn’t possible because mom is trapped in her own home.
 
Sam: (Giggled) No she’s not trapped. She enjoys taking care of them
 
Rachel: Yes she would say she misses them every Monday after a weekend without them.
 
Sis: Yes, of course she misses them. But she has them every day. Mom doesn’t do anything anymore but watch your kids. She doesn’t have a life. She doesn’t have any drive. She is basically dead.
 
Sam: She hasn’t complained anything. I kept asking her if it was alright and she said it was fine with the arrangement.
 
** Here’s something annoying about my mom. She has gone thru too much in her life and made her this way. She is afraid to offend anyone. She wouldn’t complain to my brother but she would mention it to my sister who is very defensive over my mom. My sister would bend backwards to make sure that my mom is happy. My mom told my sister how she felt. She felt weak, unwell and that she was really unhappy. Hearing that, my sister felt the urgency to make some changes before she flies off.
 
Sis: That wasn’t what she told me. She told me everything. She didn’t know you were gonna have a second child so soon. What happens now? Because you said you wanted 4 in total. Doesn’t that mean that 8 years of her life will be just stuck in her apartment? She has friends, she has relatives, she has obligations, she has errands and it cannot be all about your kids.
 
Rachel: (Whispering to my brother but we all could hear it) I told you this would happen! I told you didn’t I?
 
Sis: Rachel, what is it that you told him?
 
Rachel: This is between my husband and I don’t have to discuss with you.
 
Sam: Look, Rachel’s mother has never been comfortable putting her in school in she was 6.
 
Rachel: (Fiery eyes) STOP PUTTING MY LATE MOM IN THE PICTURE!!! THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY MOM. We suddenly saw the real Rachel, the way she spoke to her husband.
 
Sis: Sam was just trying to explain why your kids are not sent to school.
 
Rachel: Again, that’s between my husband and it’s not open for discussion.
 
Sis: It is because my mom is shrinking by the day. She has no life in her. She has no soul and you want to wait till she dies before you realised that? She has nothing going on for her. You first child screams her lungs out every 30 seconds. And it’s hurting her. She can’t control or discipline her kids. The CCTV is invasive for her too. She has no personal space and her siblings are calling her saying she’s in JAIL. Doesn’t that say something???? I don’t know what and I don’t care what you guys want to do about it but there need to be some changes. URGENTLY.
 
Everyone was silent. Me included. I knew Rachel will blow it. My sister excused herself to finish packing while letting us think about it.
 
Rachel: (Got up and turned to Sam) What kind of a husband are you??? You didn’t stand up for me??!! All my life I have to fight myself??? Is this how it’s going to be???
 
Sam was quiet.
 
Rachel: GET UP!!!!! BE A MAN!!!!! For once in your life you can’t fight for your wife????
 
Sam: What is there to fight about? She was just telling us her opinion.
 
Rachel: Your sister said she doesn’t care!!!! She doesn’t care!!! Your sister shouted at me and you just kept quiet??!?!?!?!? Look at you!!!!! I’m leaving and you can stay if you want to!!!! And be a coward!! But im not staying!!! (Called her maid to pack up everything and collect the kids) We are going home!!! And you can stay her with your sisters if you want
 
 
By this time, I stood up to calm her down. Rachel was crying uncontrollably. I told her to calm down and we can solve this.
 
Rachel: Solve this???! Look at your brother???!! Your sister shouted at me and hes not even defending me!!!! You think I don’t know what’s going on behind my back????!!! I read everything what you and your sister wrote when Sam told you girls that I prefer to stay at home instead of working. I was so pregnant (turning to Sam) WITH YOUR BABY!!!!!!! And so in pain (Yeah right!) and I cried for 2 nights after reading everything that you two wrote. Sam didn’t stand up for me then and he’s not doing it now either!!!! I’ll fend for myself!
 
She was referring to one conversation between siblings. Me, my sister and my brother. He wrote that Rachel wants to be a stay at home mom. We all know that means she wants to do nothing. Because the maid will be doing everything and taking care of the kids while shes on facebook all day. We didn’t write that. He wrote that he thinks he will be struggling financially. I said I wouldn’t mind helping here and there. My brother said that she has to work if she wants to sustain her lifestyle. My sister said it would be such a waste to be a qualified lawyer and yet not work. There is bound to be stress with a job with such glamorous title. Therefore she should embrace it. And learn the ropes. It’s one about producing kids but it’s another to make sure you have enough to sustain their education. Basically that was the gist of it. Rachel doesn’t like the fact that all three of us said that she may need to work if she wants to sustain her lifestyle.
 
My sister emerged from the room, hearing all the shouting. She asked what happened.
 
Sis: I couldn’t even tell you the reality of what’s happening?
 
Rachel: It’s over! We are not talking about it anymore. I’m leaving!!! Sam!!!! Are you coming???!!!!
 
Sis: We can’t talk about things like adults?? Why are you running away?????
 
Rachel: It’s not right that your sisted shouted at me!! And you just sit there!!!
 
Sis: Im right here. Let’s talk about it.I may say it in a suggestive tone but you know I have the right to be upset about this!!! And because of that you are leaving?? Really?? I’m flying in 3 hours and you want to end it like this???? Fine! Suit yourself, if I said something wrong I’m sorry. Where are your kids? I’’ say goodbye to my nieces.
 
She hugged and kissed them. And she called her kids to hug and kiss the two kids, Sam and Rachel. And they left.
 
I was shaking. What just happened?
 
As they walked away she called Sam “USELESS”, “LOSER”, “NOBODY”, STUPID” because she is a lawyer and my brother is just a mechanical engineer who earns a small pay.
 
Nobody told her to marry my brother. She chose him. We kindda know that she would never find any man who would love her so much to put up with her nasty words when she’s angry. Who would do everything to make her happy and for her not to see that. My brother is living is constant fear of her flaring up because that would mean, whatever the matter is, it’s all his fault.
 
She complained about him being a lower class. (Her family is a typical low class family yet because she is a qualified lawyer and he earns lesser than her, she decided that it’s ok to tag my family as a low class.) She has cursed our family, our names. And she would be so nasty that my brother knows that the best thing to do to keep staying married to her (or else he would never see his kids again) is to make her happy.
 
She reads and checks everything on his phone. She is very insecure and always thinking that my brother has someone else. I’m sorry, but I really hope he does…. Really mean for me to think that way but I can’t help feeling sorry for him.
 
He is trapped in his own life. He has no time away from the family. They spend their non-working hours with each other because all his friends are “losers” according to her. And that he is so lucky to get a lawyer wife.
 
Straight after that incident, I had to take my daughter for her ballet class. My daughter was asking what happened. She was 4. I said there were just some disagreements.
 
I took her to her class, went back to my car and that was it for me. I cried my heart out.
 
What just happened there? My sister just wanted my brother to understand what was happening. And Rachel showed her true self in front of all of us. It’s appalling how she speak to my brother. I’ve been married for 7 years and I haven’t spoken to my husband that rudely before.
 
Why was I crying?? I don’t really know. Maybe because I worked so hard since I joined this family 13 years ago. I wanted a family to have a sense of belonging and it breaks my heart to see this family fall apart! I worked so hard to come to this point to lose everything. It hurts to see my brother so blind. To see my brother be treated like trash. I want to help him but I know no one can. Only he can do it himself. My head just couldn’t get around how someone as sweet as him ended up with someone so vicious? Why is life so unfair? He deserves to be treated with some dignity at least … if he still has any left.
 
I am upset that my sister would get upset and shouted back. Yes my sister has a way of saying things that hurts. She does have a sharp tongue but she was basically trying to solve my mom’s issue.
 
I cried for an hour before I re-do my make up to fetch my daughter. She shouldn’t see any of this.
 
I fetched her and we went straight to the airport to meet them on last time before their flight back home in France.
 
My brother called my sister. He told her “I hope you are happy. She will divorce me. And I’ll never see my kids again.” My sister again tried to explain things. I really do feel like an outsider.
 
My heart was breaking and it was so painful. After they flew and we put the kids to bed. I cried in bed again. I didn’t quite understand how that turned out so bad. But it did.
 
It’s been 6 months since it happened. Rachel blocked me from any off of communication.
 
She would not attend any celebration when I’m there. We tend to always go back to our parents for cake cutting ceremony. My other brother’s birthday – Apparently she had to work late. My son’s birthday 19th January – Apparently her second daughter was unwell. My birthday – she wasn’t feeling well.
 
And the last obvious straw when it was their first daughter’s birthday. I did a heart shaped cake and all the food for our family. My brother said they will not come. I sent it to my mom’s and wrote to him “Enjoy the party.” It’s clear I wasn’t wanted to be in the party. I sent everything on Friday which was the real birthdate.
 
They apparently came unannounced on Monday at my parents so that I wouldn’t make an appearance. To cut the cake. Everyone was there. I received some pictures and videos of my niece cutting the cake.
 
It warmed my heart watching that tiny smile loving the cake. If this means that’s my only chance of seeing her, then be it… I just have to accept it. Rachel wins.
 
So … all the fairy tales and stories that we grew up with, whereby the wicked always loses … that’s a whole of crap. Pardon my French.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Love My Girls

For the last two weeks, I have been liaising with the management at FERN & KIWI for my best friend’s birthday party.

Yes, yes, another best friend. She turned 32 and her husband hates parties. So every year since being married to him, she convinced herself that she doesn't need any parties and that she's happy just not doing anything at all.

Yet, every time I take her out to party with the girls, she went crazy and her usual party self emerges. :)

So, as her birthday surprise this year, I planned a birthday celebration for her. She is Turkish and her husband is American. If you don't already know, Turkish has such an interesting culture. They are all VERY close knitted it’s almost like an ant colony. One Turkish can bump into another on the street and the minute they realised they are both Turkish, you can bet that you will be standing at the side for 45 min at least waiting for them to stop talking.

Yes I had my fair share of annoyance in this beautiful culture. It's amazing how close they all are (I wish I have that embedded in me) and yet if you are not from the culture, you won't quite get it.

Eventually we became close and yet I have hardly met any of her Turkish friends simply because they are doing fine on their own and that me being there makes me feel like I'm disturbing their very deep conversation which seems to be all the time. :) I kid you not.

For her birthday, I asked one of her close Turkish friend, N for some numbers of her close Turkish friends. I have no clue who is who so I just took the number and created a whatsapp group and invited all her "close" Turkish friends for a girls night out.

Most of them are married with children. Most also are quite traditional and rather be a homebody than having a life. Well,a choice to rather be at home doesn't mean they don't have a life. It just means they prefer it that way. So I respect their choices. However, I was asking them out to celebrate their good friend's birthday. Thought that could be an exception.

Most politely declined. The celebration was supposed to be on the 6th. So that we could sing her a birthday song on the 7th. One of the Turkish girl strangely suggested that we should do the celebration on the 5th instead since it happened to be her birthday as well.  Huh???

I showed my husband that message and I went "I've never had this situation when I invited someone for their friend's birthday and the friend comes and say "let’s celebrate my birthday instead!"

Strange but I politely decline since I figured I would rather leave that to her own close friend to do that celebration for her. After that party, I found out that she wasn't well liked by many, therefore has no friends and N didn't know how she has been annoying people and didn't know that my best friend is actually not closed to that strange girl... oh well. Lesson learned.

One of her close Turkish friend (who lives overseas) was scheduled to arrive on 8th April to stay with her for 14 days. I contacted that friend and convinced her to come on the 5th so that she would be able to attend her friend's celebration. MM changed her flight and I offered her to stay at my place for the first few days till after the party.

Typically (at least from my experience) the Turkish lot ( from the ones I know) are very dramatic. Everything about them has to be "Ta-daaaaa". Never mind that it was supposed to be the b'day girl’s night. They still want to have a dramatic entrance or  "ta-daaa" of any sort at all. That bothers me a lot. I thought as a good friend your main concern would be to make it the b'day girl’s moment.

Never mind. MM arrived to my place and she said she wasn't well. She went to the clinic and found out that she is pregnant!! For someone who has been through 5 IVF treatments and lost every time, she was shocked to be pregnant when they finally gave up on their IVF treatment last year!

I am really happy for her. I am so happy that she finally has what she dreamed of.

"Oh I have to wait before I tell the B'day girl because I want it to be her night" MM said.

"That's a good idea! Tell her when you are alone with her when you are at her place the following day. Let it be her night." I was sighing in relief since I thought "Oh this one actually understood that it doesn’t always be about them.

"Please be punctual" I said, since they are typically very "rubbery" with their timing. "Please be there at 9:30 pm so she will be surprised when she sees you"

"Oh no no no. I shall come at 10pm so when everyone has settled and said hi to her I will turn up and surprise her."

Sigh.... that was short live. Oh well. This one is no different then. Fine. Whatever. "10 pm then for your "ta-daaa" entrance"

So back to the preparation. Seeing how there was no response at all, I decided to invite my own friends. Since b'day girl loves parties, I will create a blast for her! That was a big promise to myself.

I invited my own friends and almost 20 turned up. Can always depend on my friends!! Love them!

The management of FERN & KIWI had worked closely with me, (including the music list) to make sure that it would be one special night for my best friend.

When we arrived, F&K operation manager, David, came with a red furry shawl to differentiate her from the rest of the girls. That was great actually!

We had our own table and we were treated like royalties! When the band started, the first thing they did was sing her a birthday song. I was panicking thinking "no, no,no.... she didn't know we were gonna celebrate her birthday. It was supposed to be a secret till midnight!!"

I went to David and he was like "oh no!" Well, b'day girl sure loved the attention being on stage and singing her birthday song!! :) So it wasn't such a bad mistake after all.

At 10pm, I wrote to MM and told her to come already. She didn't respond.

We all had so much fun. the music were great! We somehow owned the place. People heard the commotion inside and the great music and it wasn't long before the place was filled up! And everyone was joining our celebration.

At 11:58pm, MM still hasn't turned up. But of course, she wanted HER to be the surprise of the birthday. Why would I think that she would be any different?!

Suddenly there was a little commotion at our seats. I went there and found out that N had lost her phone. I looked at the time and I begged her to be quiet for 2 minutes till it strikes 12. She didn't stop. She went on a rampage, checking into everyone's bags and so that got everyone's attention.

11:59pm - B'day girl came looking very concern. She asked what happened. And I stared at N and was begging with my eyes but N blurted out that she lost her phone and b'day girl went on a search, going to the staff to ask for help, etc, etc.

Midnight - The band AND ALL the staff stopped what they were doing (as I've requested) and sang a birthday song for the b'day girl.

"Where is the birthday girl?" The lead singer asked. Everyone looked at me (The organiser & the one who demanded them to sing the birthday song).  I shrugged my shoulders and couldn't find the birthday girl. For a while, they were calling for the birthday girl. No answer.

Finally when she came, the manager came with the little birthday cake with one candle, following her to have her blow the candle. She turned to the manager and said "My friend lost her phone!!!!!!"

I touched her shoulders and said "Blow the candle"

Just before she blow, she looked up and saw MM appearing in front of her. But of course!!! The "ta-daaa!" effect! The highlight of the day! I'm sorry...that was so not appropriate I thought!

I had to tell her to blow the cake. She said thank you to the manager, put the cake on the table and was hugging MM. She was so surprised about the fact that her friend there a day earlier. She then excused herself and went on a hunt again. I stood there. Well, thought I was gonna get a hug too but okay, she was busy. I looked at the cake. And I apologised quickly to the manager, who looked just as lost. That wasn't what I imagine this night to be.

It was supposed to be all about her. It was supposed to be her moment. No one else. And two turkish just made it theirs. I looked as b'day girl walked to the back of the bar dealing with the staff. She was lost for a while.

See, this is my best friend. She is too nice. When someone lost something, she feels guilty for someone losing it because the person was there for her birthday. So she thinks it’s her fault. You can say anything you want but she will still feel guilty.She is just super nice that she felt the need to attend to it right then. On one hand, I understood that she was being nice- her usual self. She couldn't help being helpful. It's just her. She's just too nice in general. But sometimes she forgets that there are two sides of the story. While trying to be super nice to one side, the one who put so much effort in it was just left to face the music.

I felt like she wasn't being sensitive to the fact that someone had spent the last 2 weeks to make this moment perfect for her. :( It felt like she didn't care. Although I know that was just me being emotional.

At that moment, MM saw my disappointment. Another friend came with some forks and I said "Yes dig it! She wouldn't even remember about this cake"

MM must have felt it then. She got up. She must have gone to see the b'day girl and said something. The b'day girl came to me briefly to tell me she was taking N to the taxi stand because she wanted to go home. Taxi stand is just outside the bar. Was it fair to take the b'day girl out of her own party? Well, anyway, I would never understand that.

I went to David, the operation manager and said to him "Just as well that you did that mistake because that was the only time she actually was up there on stage while they sing her birthday song!"

I was actually thankful that happened!! I apologised again that it didn't have the effect we were hoping for.

I turned to my batch of friends and was so thankful I have them - the lot who actually understood about timing. My good friends would never let my night be all about them. So I do hope my best friend realised who her real friends are.

I went to the dance floor and continued dancing with my gals. They pulled me in because they knew I was a little down at that time. I took a shot and enjoyed my time there with people who actually gives a damn about me!

Then the b'day girl appeared. FINALLY!! We were dancing, and she pulled me saying thank you and that she never thought that I would pull this out! She said it was a wonderful surprise for her and she loved it. I just smiled and gave her a hug. I know she meant it. And I'm sure she was grateful for it. But my heart was stabbed. So just let me dance & enjoy my time there!!!

Then my best friend wailed “And she’s pregnant!!!!!!! I’m so happy!”  I looked at MM. So much for wanting to make this night the birthday girl’s night. That would be too much to ask. Of course it haD to be MM’s night! I just nodded, smiling.

Overall, if it wasn't for the episodes with the Turkish girls, it was a fabulous night. Lesson learned! Maybe I would never be "Turkish" enough for my best friend. Maybe I would never be in her mind. Possibly because I'm too strong and wouldn't need someone to ruin her birthday celebration over my phone.

I would never understand their dependence on each other. It's a beautiful thing but when it steps into the same lime light.... oh well.... enough ranting! I’m just happy they are not the people I thought who cares about me because clearly it’s all about them.

This experience have made me realised how lucky I am because none of my friends are like that. I know I have one hell of a great group of friends who loves me dearly! :) I am a very lucky girl!! We had such a great time!!




Monday, March 25, 2013

The 40th Birthday Party

Two weeks before my best friend X turned 40, I was on WHATSAPP (an app on most smart phones- internet based sms) with a friend of mine who was on holiday in a beautiful resort in Philippines. They were sending through pictures, basically stirring us up coz they were having such a good time! ;)

The thing about WHATSAPP is that, anyone who has your number in their contact can check if you are ONLINE or not. Apparently while I was online and was looking through the pictures of the resort  with my husband, my best friend’s girlfriend, Julia was checking on her boyfriend. He was online. He was chatting with some friends in Germany. She must have checked my status when she saw him online & went berserk when she noticed that I was online too.

Apparently, she stormed into their home office where he was & started screaming at him saying that he was wanking as he was chatting with me. He managed to push her out of the room and locked himself in the office. That was when we received a WHATSAPP message from X saying that Julia saw that both of us were online & assumed we were chatting and therefore we were having an affair. My husband laughed out loud. He couldn’t believe history is repeating itself. “When is he gonna learn that this woman is just insane??!”

I wasn’t sure how to react. My husband said tell him to stop writing and let her cool down since we were sure she is checking on our status. We told our friends to stop sending those pictures so that I can be offline for a while while this crazy woman calmed down.

X called us and told me to warn my husband that Julia is going to call him and convinced my husband that we are having an affair. I said I’m really not worried since my husband knows exactly what I’ve been up to & he knows I would never cheat on him anyway. X said that Julia will find a way to make sure that my marriage crumbles. I said “Why? Because she thinks you are not faithful she has to attack another relationship? Strange behaviour.”

X sounded pretty frightened. And apparently they had a big argument after that. It blew out of proportion to a point that X became overly depressed. He was turning 40. For some reason men became overly emotional (My husband included) when they are turning 40. It seems to be a big deal. He was in such a dilemma and very depress that the woman he is in love with is doing everything to make him hate her more and more. She continuously attacked his intention and his plans.

Seeing that his girlfriend has no intention of being involved in his SPECIAL birthday, he was close to calling everything off. We managed to talk to him to not be alone on his birthday. And so he started to invite people to his birthday seeing how his girlfriend showed no interest whatsoever to be a part of the planning process. Later that evening she found out that he has started to invite people without discussing with her. A contradiction to an earlier claim that she didn’t care who is in his guest list. Suddenly she got offended and accused him of not caring about how she feels. If she would have it her way, only her friends are invited to his arty and none of his friends are welcome. X said its impossible since he wants people who he cares about to be there.

They had another full blown argument 4 days before the party. Apparently because the 3 girls she hated (one of them is me) would be at her boyfriend’s party. She wasn’t happy with that. X insisted that the guest list will not be changed. I did offer to not attend to help simmer the situation but no, X insisted that we attend his special day.

As expected, a day before his party, she did something MAGICAL. She called the venue of his party for him. And you can imagine how little she does for him because he got so excited that she did that for him. Apparently since then, she gave him a massage, treating him like a king cooked him birthday breakfast and as USUAL, X sunk into the same spot as always. In her grip. One thing that turned out good –he had a very happy 40th birthday celebration.:)

How was the party?  It was great. All his friends were there and we were having so much fun. Julia made it very obvious that I wasn’t welcome. I went to her anyway and kissed both cheeks while she rolled her eyes and completely showed me that it was her boyfriend’s party and she didn’t want me there. When I moved to kiss her left cheek, she quickly pretended to wave to the waiter frantically and proceed to talking to the waiter as if we were done… Wow!

Have you watched the movie THE MEAN GIRLS? Ya, it was a high school thing and my gosh that was happening then. I had to smile because I thought it was so funny!! Except for one thing – I am the popular one and her wanting to be mean to the popular girl wouldn’t do her any good. She is the one who has been avoiding X’s friends so not many people were even trying to talk to her and she wanted to snub me??? Wrong move!

I let her be. My husband was laughing out loud when Julia openly bitched about me to another girl and pointing at me…. He was like “This is so hilarious! So kindergarten” 

I was glad that my husband noticed that. Otherwise he thought I was trying be resentful! X wasn’t aware what was happening. He was drunk. He was having a good time. He was all good. Meanwhile, Julia was making sure that she went around taking pictures without me in it. And when I wanted to snap the group picture (Which I wasn’t in) she said no need to take the picture – not required. My husband saw that too and was like “Wow! Bitchy!”

One thing for sure, that was the first time I have ever saw Julia as such. Imagine this, Julia is blond wit gorgeous big blue eyes. Flawless skin. Requires very little make up. She’s almost as perfect as a Barbie doll. It’s very difficult for me to imagine her being violent or harsh. Very very difficult. The only stories I heard were from X and I’ve openly told him that I’ve never seen her in action so it was a bit difficult to even think she’s like that.

But that evening, my husband and I finally saw the rottenness of a real beauty. I finally realise that you can be so perfectly beautiful outside and be so terrible inside. I finally saw the real deal and I could only imagine what X had to go through. She’s very lucky that X is so forgiving (and forgetful – that kindda help a lot)

What she did the whole night was unreal. It didn’t affect my night since I had a blast with the rest of my friends! We all love each other and we had so much fun while she was sitting miserable trying to corner one by one and tried to tell them what a terrible person I am. They all turned back to her and said “Are you talking about her???? We love her! She’s our good friend! She’s done a lot for us.”

Funny enough that hit her hard. Because it’s not in her nature to do anything for her friends or her boyfriend for that matter. She must have sense that X was already questioning about the relationship and was contemplating of having a party without her. That was when she stepped in and became a true angel to him the whole weekend. Making him entwined into another possibility again.

I made sure that X wasn’t next to me for too long., I moved away. When he sat next to me I know she was watching my every move and she wasn’t happy that everyone else was enjoying my company. How can a person be so screwed up?? Especially someone that beautiful! How can she not have faith in her own boyfriend?

Funny enough, her bestfriend was there too.. Yes the same bestfriend who tried to kiss him and was upset when he didn’t go home with her! How screwed up was this? Too Hollywood if you ask me! But it’s not my style to judge someone’s choice of path in life. At the end of the day, her bestfriend was chatting me up and realised that I’m not such a bad person as she was told. Duh! The truth always surfaced.

At the end of the day, we said goodnight. X held me a little longer and said “Never ever give me up. You are the best friend I’ve ever had. I’m so lucky to have you.” I just hugged him back, wished him happy birthday and let my husband hug him goodbye after that.

We left. And I was quiet the whole journey back. My husband squeezed my hand. “I saw what happened. Don’t worry”